Tag: attachment trauma

  • Preventing Attachment Issues: Supporting Children of Fearful-Avoidant Parents (+free PDF)

    Introduction: The Pain of Seeing Harmful Parenting Patterns

    It’s one thing to read about attachment wounds in books. It’s another to witness them unfolding in real time, especially when a child’s emotional safety is at stake.

    Imagine this: You’re at a playground, and a toddler keeps looking back at his mother for reassurance. She responds by ignoring him, turning away, or even pushing him toward other children with an anxious “Go play! You’ll never make friends if you cling to me!” The child hesitates, his distress growing, and the mother sighs in frustration. Later, when he cries at bedtime, she insists he “self-soothe,” despite his escalating panic.

    If you’re healing from fearful-avoidant attachment yourself, seeing another parent unknowingly pass down the very patterns you’re working so hard to unlearn can be infuriating and heartbreaking. Your body may react with a surge of rage, grief, or helplessness—especially if you see clear signs that their child is developing the very attachment struggles they fear.

    But what can you actually do? How do you regulate your own emotions around this? And if you want to help, how do you communicate in a way that won’t make the other parent defensive?

    In this article, we’ll explore:

    • How to manage your own emotional response (so you don’t spiral into anger or despair)
    • Why fearful-avoidant parents unintentionally create what they fear most
    • Ways to gently open their perspective without triggering shame
    • The science of attachment and how to explain it simply
    • When to intervene—and when to accept that you can’t control everything

    Let’s start by understanding your own reaction first.


    Regulating Your Own Emotional Response

    Before addressing the other parent, it’s crucial to attune to your own nervous system. Witnessing attachment wounds in real time can activate deep emotional pain—especially if you were once that child, longing for attunement but met with distance or fear.

    Why This Hits So Hard: Your Body Remembers

    According to polyvagal theory (Porges, 2011), when we see a child in distress, our nervous system may automatically mirror that distress, especially if we’ve experienced similar pain. If we haven’t yet processed our own wounds, we might react from a fight response (anger, judgment, a strong urge to “rescue”) or a shutdown response (hopelessness, emotional numbness, or dissociation).

    This is not a sign that you’re overreacting—it’s a sign that your system is deeply empathetic and recognizing something familiar.

    How to Regulate in the Moment

    Instead of letting these emotions spiral, try:

    1. Pausing to Notice Your Reaction
      • Where do you feel this in your body?
      • Are you clenching your jaw? Feeling a pit in your stomach?
      • What does this reaction remind you of in your own past?
    2. Grounding Yourself Physically
      • Slow your breathing (inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 8).
      • If your hands are shaking, press them against a solid surface.
      • Feel your feet on the ground to reorient to the present.
    3. Using Self-Talk to Shift Perspective
      • Instead of: “This is unbearable! This poor child!” → Try: “This is painful to witness, but I can stay regulated and compassionate.”
      • Instead of: “This parent is ruining their child!” → Try: “They are repeating what they know, just as I once did.”
    4. Giving Yourself an Outlet
      • Later, journal about your feelings.
      • Voice-note a trusted friend who understands attachment healing.
      • If the feelings are intense, process them with an inner parts dialogue (IFS-style) or through somatic movement.

    Once you’re more grounded, you can assess whether and how to approach the other parent. But first, let’s unpack why fearful-avoidant parents often create what they fear most—and why shaming them will never work.


    Understanding the Fearful-Avoidant Parent: Why They Create What They Fear

    A parent with a fearful-avoidant attachment style often carries conflicting fears about connection. On one hand, they deeply fear being abandoned or unwanted. On the other, they feel overwhelmed by closeness and emotional dependency—which can make parenting especially triggering.

    What This Looks Like in Parenting

    Because they fear their child becoming too dependent or too anxious, they may:

    • Sleep train early and rigidly, fearing their child will become “too needy” if comforted at night.
    • Encourage independence too soon, pushing their toddler to interact socially before they’re ready.
    • Ignore clinginess or distress, hoping the child will “toughen up” instead of realizing this increases fear.
    • Struggle with emotional availability, becoming distant or inconsistent in moments of distress.

    Ironically, these very behaviors reinforce what they fear:

    • The child becomes more clingy because their emotional needs aren’t being met.
    • The child becomes more socially anxious because they aren’t given a secure base from which to explore.

    This parent is not acting out of malice—they are repeating what was done to them. They were likely given the message that needing comfort was weak or that being “too soft” would make them fail in the world. They may still believe that.

    How to Approach the Fearful-Avoidant Parent Without Making Them Defensive

    Fearful-avoidant individuals tend to shut down or lash out when they feel criticized. Directly telling them, “You’re making your child anxious” or “You’re damaging their attachment” is unlikely to go well. Instead, use strategies based on motivational interviewinggentle curiosity, and offering safety rather than judgment.

    1. Start from Shared Concerns

    A great way to open dialogue is by mirroring their fears back to them—without blame.

    Instead of: “You’re making your child more fearful by pushing them.”
    Try: “I totally get why you want your child to be confident. It’s so hard to see them struggle socially.”

    Instead of: “Ignoring crying doesn’t teach independence.”
    Try: “I used to think that comforting too much would make kids more dependent, too. But I read something interesting about how secure attachment actually builds independence long-term.”

    By aligning with their desire for a strong, confident child, you reduce defensiveness.

    2. Share Small Insights, Not Big Corrections

    People are much more open to gentle shifts in perspective than being told they’re wrong. Instead of lecturing, share your own experiences or a small, digestible fact.

    Example 1: If they say, “I don’t want my child to be one of those kids who clings to their mom all the time.”
    You could respond: “It’s interesting—apparently, kids who get their emotional needs met early actually become more independent later. I thought it was the opposite for a long time.”

    Example 2: If they say, “I need my child to sleep alone. They’ll never learn if I keep coddling them.”
    You could say: “Yeah, sleep was such a struggle for us too. I came across something on how co-regulation at night actually strengthens nervous system resilience in the long run. I was surprised!”

    This plants a seed without confrontation.

    3. Acknowledge Their Own Pain

    Fearful-avoidant parents often parent from fear—but underneath that fear is pain. They weren’t emotionally supported as children. They had to self-soothe before they were developmentally ready. They might have been shamed for needing love.

    If you sense an opening, you can gently reflect this:

    • “It’s so hard when we didn’t get that kind of support ourselves.”
    • “I know for me, it felt scary at first to parent differently than how I was raised.”
    • “It’s tough when we’re just trying to do what we think is best, and there’s so much conflicting information out there.”

    This validates their inner wounds without blaming them.

    Once you’ve approached the conversation with warmth rather than judgment, they may be more open to gradual shifts in perspective. But ultimately, you can’t force someone to change—you can only offer gentle insights and let them process in their own time.

    Now, let’s explore how to support yourself emotionally when you feel powerless in these situations.


    Regulating Your Own Reactions: Managing Rage, Grief, and Helplessness

    Watching another parent unintentionally create the very fears they are trying to prevent can be deeply triggering—especially if you’re healing from a fearful-avoidant attachment style yourself. It can stir up ragegrief, and powerlessness:

    • Rage at the unfairness of it all—why must another child go through what you did?
    • Grief for your own childhood, seeing the same patterns play out in front of you.
    • Helplessness because no matter how much you want to intervene, you can’t force change.

    These emotions are valid. The key is learning how to hold them without letting them consume you.

    1. Recognizing Projection: Are You Seeing Your Own Past?

    One of the hardest truths in healing is that sometimes, we react not just to what’s happening—but to what it reminds us of.

    If another parent’s behavior sparks overwhelming emotion, ask yourself:

    • Am I reacting to their child’s suffering—or to my own unhealed pain?
    • Is this anger directed at them—or at the adults who failed me as a child?
    • Do I feel helpless now because I was helpless then?

    This doesn’t mean your feelings are wrong. But separating past pain from present reality can help you respond more intentionally, rather than being swallowed by emotion.

    2. Using Somatic Regulation to Move Through Big Emotions

    Since fearful-avoidant wounding is stored not just in thoughts but in the body, purely rationalizing won’t be enough. You need to physically discharge the overwhelming emotions.

    Try:

    • Shaking out the body (releases stored fight-or-flight energy)
    • Breathwork for nervous system regulation (slow exhale longer than inhale)
    • Holding your heart or self-soothing touch (signals safety)
    • Grounding techniques (barefoot walking, holding a weighted object)

    This keeps the anger and grief from becoming stuck in your body.

    3. Allowing Space for Grief Without Getting Stuck

    It’s okay to grieve the child you once were—the one who needed what this child needs now. Let yourself feel it. Write it out. Speak to your younger self.

    But don’t let grief turn into despair. Balance it with:

    • Hope—You are breaking the cycle in your own family.
    • Compassion—You are feeling this deeply because you care.
    • Perspective—Every child’s story is still being written. This moment isn’t the end.

    4. Choosing Your Battles: Not Every Situation Needs Your Intervention

    When you see a child suffering, your instinct may be to do something, say something, fix it.

    But ask yourself:

    • Would saying something actually help right now—or just make me feel better?
    • Is this a moment for education—or for acceptance?
    • Is my energy better spent on my own child, my own healing?

    You don’t have to carry every injustice. Pick what’s within your power, and release the rest.


    Helping Without Creating Conflict: How to Gently Support the Parent and Child

    Now that you’ve worked through your own emotional response, the next challenge is how to actually help—without triggering defensiveness in the other parent.

    This is delicate, because direct confrontation rarely works when a parent is unknowingly acting out of fear. Instead, we need an approach that fosters curiosity, safety, and gradual shifts in perspective.

    1. Understanding Why This Parent Is Acting This Way

    The mother you’re observing is not acting out of cruelty—but out of fear. She believes:

    • If she comforts her child too much, they’ll become overly dependent.
    • If she lets them sleep in her bed, they’ll never be independent.
    • If she lets them avoid social situations, they’ll always struggle socially.

    Ironically, her approach is creating the very fears she’s trying to prevent—but she doesn’t see it yet.

    This is classic fearful-avoidant parenting:

    • They fear their child’s dependency, so they push them away—making the child more anxious.
    • They fear their child’s social struggles, so they force interactions—making the child resist socializing.

    She is trying to raise a strong, independent child—but because she never learned secure attachment herself, she is going about it in a way that backfires.

    Understanding this helps you approach her with compassion, not judgment.

    2. The Art of Gentle Influence: “What If?” Instead of “You Should”

    People rarely change when they feel criticized. Instead of saying, “What you’re doing is harmful,” try planting seeds of curiosity.

    Some ways to do this:

    • Share a personal story.
      • Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t sleep train,” you might say,
        “I used to think responding at night would make my baby clingy, but I noticed that when I stopped resisting it, he actually became more independent.”
    • Ask a curiosity-provoking question.
      • “Have you ever noticed how [child’s name] gets extra clingy after being left alone? It’s interesting how some kids react that way.”
    • Make an observation instead of a judgment.
      • “It’s so tough when kids get scared of social situations. I read that sometimes pushing them actually increases their fear. It’s counterintuitive, isn’t it?”

    These small moments can spark internal reflection without triggering defensiveness.

    3. Strengthening the Child’s Resilience in Subtle Ways

    Even if you can’t change the parent, you can be a secure presence for the child.

    • Validate their emotions when they’re upset: “It’s okay to feel scared. You don’t have to rush.”
    • Give them space to initiate social interactions rather than forcing them.
    • Model warmth and responsiveness so they experience safety in another adult relationship.

    You may not be able to change their home environment—but every moment of attuned connection helps shape their nervous system.

    4. Accepting What’s Not in Your Control

    It’s painful to watch a child struggle in ways that could be prevented. But some things are beyond your power to fix.

    Instead of focusing on what you can’t change, ask:

    • What’s the best way I can support this child, even in small ways?
    • How can I model a secure presence, even if their parent doesn’t yet?
    • How can I release what I can’t control, without carrying resentment?

    Your calm, steady presence—both for yourself and for them—is more powerful than you think.


    Practical Exercises: Regulating Yourself, Engaging the Parent, and Supporting the Child

    Now that we’ve explored the psychology behind these dynamics, let’s turn theory into action. These practical exerciseswill help you:

    • Regulate your own emotional response.
    • Engage the parent in a way that fosters openness, not defensiveness.
    • Support the child in subtle but meaningful ways.

    1. Regulating Your Own Emotions: Self-Compassion & Releasing the Grip of Helplessness

    Watching a child struggle when you know things could be different is painful. Before you act, it’s crucial to process your own emotions first.

    Exercise: The “Compassionate Witness” Practice

    Goal: Acknowledge and release your frustration so it doesn’t fuel reactive behavior.

    1. Find a quiet space and take a few deep breaths.
    2. Imagine yourself observing this situation from a calm, compassionate perspective.
    3. Ask yourself:
      • What am I feeling right now? (Helplessness, frustration, grief, anger?)
      • Where do I feel this in my body?
      • If this emotion could speak, what would it say?
    4. Now, shift perspective:
      • Imagine an older, wiser version of yourself gently comforting the part of you that feels this pain.
      • Offer yourself words of understanding, e.g., “It’s hard to witness this. You care deeply, and that’s why this hurts.”
    5. Finally, take three slow breaths and release the emotional intensity, reminding yourself:
      • I don’t have to fix everything. Small acts of care make a difference.

    By acknowledging and releasing your own distress first, you can engage from a place of clarity rather than emotional reactivity.


    2. Engaging the Parent: Planting Seeds of Awareness

    Many parents in this situation are defensive—not because they don’t care, but because they’re afraid of “failing” as parents. Instead of confronting them directly, try curiosity-driven dialogue.

    Exercise: “The Gentle Mirror” Approach

    Goal: Help the parent notice the patterns without making them feel criticized.

    1. Observe the child’s behavior in a neutral moment.
      • Example: You see the child become extra clingy after being left alone.
    2. Mirror it back to the parent as an open-ended observation.
      • “I noticed [child’s name] gets extra attached after some alone time. It’s interesting how kids respond differently to that.”
    3. Leave space for the parent to respond.
      • If they engage, ask gentle follow-ups:
        • “Have you noticed that pattern too?”
        • “I read something fascinating about how independence develops differently than we expect—would you be interested?”
    4. If they shut down, back off—you’ve still planted a seed.

    By mirroring the child’s response in a neutral, non-judgmental way, you allow the parent to arrive at insights on their own—which is far more effective than direct correction.


    3. Supporting the Child: Creating Micro-Moments of Secure Attachment

    Even if you can’t change their home life, you can still provide a sense of safety and connection when you interact with them.

    Exercise: “Micro-Moments of Secure Attachment”

    Goal: Help the child experience small but meaningful moments of attunement.

    1. When the child is distressed, acknowledge their feelings rather than dismissing them.
      • Instead of “You’re fine, go play,” try “I see that you’re feeling unsure. You can take your time.”
    2. Allow them to warm up socially at their own pace.
      • Example: If they hesitate before joining a group, say “You can watch for a while, and when you’re ready, you can join.”
    3. Offer playful connection rather than pressure.
      • If they seem resistant to engaging with other kids, try joining them in play yourself first—this creates a bridge of safety.

    Every moment of attuned connection builds resilience in their nervous system, even if their home life isn’t ideal.


    Final Thoughts: Your Influence Is Greater Than You Think

    You may not be able to change this child’s home environment overnight, but your presence, compassion, and small interventions can make a real impact.

    Even if the parent never fully changes, even if the child’s attachment struggles persist—the safe, attuned interactions you offer them matter.

    Your role isn’t to control, fix, or force change. Your role is to be a steady, compassionate presence. That alone is powerful.


    Next Steps: A Free Guide for Navigating These Situations

    To help you feel more confident in these interactions, I’ve created a free downloadable guide:

    📌 “Supporting Secure Attachment Without Overstepping: A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers”

    Inside, you’ll find:
    ✅ Step-by-step scripts for engaging a parent without triggering defensiveness
    ✅ Practical exercises for regulating your own emotions when witnessing harmful dynamics
    ✅ A guide to recognizing the subtle signs of attachment distress
    ✅ Real-life case studies with solutions you can apply

    By equipping yourself with these tools, you can support children and parents alike with compassion, wisdom, and patience.

    Remember, every small, positive interaction counts towards creating a more secure and emotionally healthy future for the children in your life.


    References f:

    • Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
    • Ainsworth, M. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
    • Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.
    • Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
    • Schore, A. N. (2001). The effects of early relational trauma on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1-2), 201-269.
    • Tronick, E. Z. (2007). The Neurobehavioral and Social-Emotional Development of Infants and Children. Norton.
    • Main, M., & Solomon, J. (1990). Procedures for identifying infants as disorganized/disoriented during the Ainsworth Strange Situation. In M. T. Greenberg, D. Cichetti, & E. M. Cummings (Eds.), Attachment in the preschool years: Theory, research, and intervention (pp. 121-160). University of Chicago Press.

  • Childhood Emotional Neglect and Conflict Resolution in Relationships: How the 5 Love Languages Can Help

    Introduction: When Love Feels Like a Foreign Language

    For many adults who experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), relationships can feel like a confusing puzzle. When emotional needs were overlooked in childhood, expressing and receiving love as an adult can be challenging—especially in moments of conflict. Many find themselves either shutting down or escalating arguments, unable to bridge the emotional gap with their partner.

    One crucial aspect of this struggle lies in how we give and receive love. Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages provides a useful framework for understanding these dynamics, yet people with CEN may struggle to communicate their love effectively or to recognize love when expressed in a different “language.” This can lead to repeated conflicts, emotional disconnection, and deep frustration on both sides.

    This article explores how CEN affects conflict resolution, how the 5 Love Languages play a role, and offers practical exercises, examples, and journal prompts to help break the cycle.


    Part 1: How Childhood Emotional Neglect Affects Conflict Resolution

    What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)?

    CEN happens when a child’s emotional needs are consistently ignored, dismissed, or inadequately met by caregivers. Unlike overt abuse, which involves active harm, CEN is about what was missing—comfort, validation, emotional guidance.

    As Dr. Jonice Webb explains in Running on Empty, CEN conditions children to believe:

    • Their feelings don’t matter.
    • Expressing emotions is burdensome to others.
    • Love is something they must earn, not something freely given.

    As adults, this translates into relationship struggles, especially when emotions run high during conflict.


    How CEN Shapes Conflict Patterns in Romantic Relationships

    1. Emotional Shutdown (Avoidant Response)

      • Instead of engaging in conflict, a CEN-affected person may withdraw, become silent, or dissociate.
      • Conflict feels overwhelming, triggering deep-rooted fears of being a burden.
      • They may insist they are \”fine\” while internally feeling unheard, frustrated, or unloved.

      2. Hyperreactivity (Anxious Response)

        • Emotional needs were ignored in childhood, so in adulthood, the need for validation can feel urgent and desperate.
        • Arguments may escalate quickly as they seek reassurance but fear rejection.

        3. Struggling to Recognize or Express Needs

          • A CEN-affected person may have trouble identifying what they need from their partner in a conflict.
          • If they do express a need, they may downplay or dismiss it immediately.

          4. Discomfort with Repair Attempts

            • Healthy couples use repair strategies after a fight (apologizing, physical affection, humor).
            • A person with CEN may resist these gestures, feeling undeserving of love or skeptical of the partner’s sincerity.

            Part 2: The 5 Love Languages & Their Role in Conflict

            Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages identifies five primary ways people express and receive love:

            • Words of Affirmation (verbal appreciation)
            • Acts of Service (helping with tasks)
            • Receiving Gifts (meaningful gestures)
            • Quality Time (undivided attention)
            • Physical Touch (affection, hugs, holding hands)

            For people with CEN, love languages can be particularly tricky:

            • They may dismiss their partner’s love language as unnecessary or excessive.
            • They may feel unloved if their own language isn’t spoken, but struggle to voice it.
            • They may resist learning a new language, even when their partner directly asks.

            For example:

            • A husband raised with CEN might crave words of affirmation but struggle to give them to his wife, who needs verbal reassurance.
            • A woman who values quality time may feel hurt when her partner expresses love through acts of service instead of deep conversations.

            In conflict, these mismatches can make problems worse. If partners don’t recognize how the other expresses love, apologies may feel empty or repair attempts go unnoticed.


            Part 3: Healing & Reconnecting – Practical Steps

            1. Identifying Your Own Love Language (Even If It Feels Unnatural)

            • Take the official 5 Love Languages quiz with your partner.
            • Reflect: As a child, how did you know someone cared about you? (Even if it wasn’t ideal.)
            • Journal Prompt: When do I feel most loved by my partner? When do I feel least loved?

            2. Learning Your Partner’s Language (Even If It Feels Uncomfortable)

            • Ask your partner: “What makes you feel truly loved by me?”
            • Make a list of small, easy actions in their love language.

            For example:

            • If they love physical touch, start with holding hands.
            • If they need words of affirmation, practice one kind phrase a day.

            Exercise: Try “switching” languages for a week. Each partner intentionally expresses love in the other’s preferred way.

            3. Managing Conflict Using Love Languages

            • When hurt: Instead of shutting down, say “I feel hurt right now. Can you help me feel connected?”
            • When apologizing: Use their love language. (A verbal apology for a Words of Affirmation partner, a small gift for a Gifts partner.)
            • When reconnecting: Suggest an activity based on their love language. (Cooking together for a Quality Time partner, a hug for a Physical Touch partner.)

            Part 4: Breaking the Cycle – Exercises for Long-Term Change

            1. Self-Compassion for CEN Recovery

            Many people with CEN feel ashamed of their emotional struggles.

            • Mantra: My needs are valid. My emotions matter.
            • Exercise: Each day, write down one emotional need and how you can meet it.

            2. Strengthening Repair Attempts After Conflict

            • Set a “cool down” rule (30 minutes apart before discussing).
            • Use humor or physical touch to reconnect.
            • Journal Prompt: How did my parents handle conflict? What patterns do I want to unlearn?

            3. Building Emotional Vocabulary

            • Read Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb to understand how CEN impacts relationships.
            • Practice naming emotions daily (use a feelings chart if needed).

            Q&A Section

            Q: My partner dismisses my love language. What should I do?
            A: Approach it as a learning process. Say, “This is how I feel loved. Would you be willing to try?” Be patient—many with CEN struggle to change patterns.

            Q: I feel fake when expressing love in a new way. Is this normal?
            A: Yes! If you didn’t receive emotional validation as a child, showing affection in new ways may feel unnatural at first. Keep practicing—it gets easier.

            Q: How do I prevent shutting down in conflict?
            A: Try grounding techniques (breathing, touching something textured) and saying one small feeling at a time instead of bottling everything up.

            Q: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and how does it affect relationships?

            A: Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) occurs when a child\’s emotional needs are consistently ignored or dismissed, leaving them feeling unworthy of attention and connection. In adult relationships, CEN can manifest as difficulty expressing emotions, avoiding conflict, or feeling disconnected from a partner\’s emotional needs.

            Q: How does CEN impact conflict resolution in relationships?

            A: People with CEN may struggle with conflict resolution because they have learned to suppress emotions rather than process and express them. This can result in:

            • Avoiding conflict altogether
            • Becoming overwhelmed by emotional discussions
            • Struggling to articulate personal needs and boundaries
            • Assuming their partner should \”just know\” how they feel

            Learning new emotional regulation strategies, such as active listening and self-awareness exercises, can improve conflict resolution skills.

            Q: Can learning my partner’s love language help heal emotional neglect?

            A: Yes, understanding and practicing love languages can bridge emotional gaps in relationships. However, people with CEN may resist learning a new love language, as emotional expression can feel foreign or even uncomfortable. The key is to approach this process with patience, gradual effort, and open conversations about emotional needs.

            Q: What if my partner and I have completely different love languages?

            A: Differing love languages are common and not necessarily a problem, but they require effort. If a partner explicitly asks for love in a certain way (e.g., words of affirmation), and the other refuses or struggles to provide it, it may indicate deeper emotional barriers. A good starting point is practicing small, intentional actions that align with the partner’s love language while also addressing any resistance to emotional expression.

            Q: What are some exercises to improve emotional connection after CEN?

            A: Such exercises include;

            • Journaling prompts: Reflect on past emotional experiences and how they influence your responses today.
            • Daily emotional check-ins: Ask your partner, “How are you feeling today?” and truly listen.
            • Love language swaps: Try giving love in your partner’s love language for a week, then discuss the experience.
            • Reframing conflict: When conflict arises, pause and ask, “What emotional need is not being met here?”
            • Grounding exercises: When overwhelmed by emotional conversations, practice deep breathing or mindfulness to stay present.

            Conclusion: Love Can Be Learned

            If you grew up with CEN, relationships may feel harder than they should be—but healing is possible. By understanding love languages and practicing new ways of connecting, you can rewrite your emotional patterns and build stronger, healthier relationships.

            For more on healing from CEN, check out Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb or The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

            Join the Conversation

            Have you noticed how Childhood Emotional Neglect affects your relationships? Do you and your partner speak different love languages? Share your thoughts, experiences, or questions in the comments below—I’d love to hear from you! Let’s support each other on this journey to deeper connection and healing.


            References

            (Webb, J. (2012). Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Morgan James Publishing.)
            (Chapman, G. (1992). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Northfield Publishing.)