You take your child to the playground, expecting a peaceful moment. But as you stand there—waiting, watching, with nothing urgent to do—you feel… restless. Maybe even trapped. Your mind races. You resist the stillness. Instead of enjoying the pause, you feel uneasy, even irritable.
If this resonates, you’re not alone. For many mothers who grew up with childhood emotional neglect (CEN), moments of stillness—especially in caregiving—can feel deeply uncomfortable. But why? And how can you start to shift this experience into something more nourishing?
Why Stillness Feels Uncomfortable for the CEN Mother
1. Stillness Once Meant Being Invisible
If your childhood emotional needs weren’t met, you likely learned that being quiet, still, or passive meant being ignored. You weren’t actively comforted, noticed, or emotionally engaged with when you were simply there.
🔹 As a child: You might have felt unseen unless you were achieving, performing, or being helpful.
🔹 As a mother: Standing still at the playground, with no clear “role” beyond just being, may unconsciously trigger that old fear:
\”If I am not doing, I don’t matter.\”
💡 Healing Step:
Instead of rushing to fill the moment, practice conscious presence. Take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Whisper to yourself:
\”I am allowed to simply be. My presence is enough.\”
2. The Productivity Wound: \”I Should Be Doing Something\”
CEN often creates a deep discomfort with rest. You may have learned that your worth was tied to being productive—to always doing, never just existing.
🔹 As a child: Rest, slowness, or play may have been discouraged. You might have internalized the idea that “free time” is wasted time.
🔹 As a mother: Standing in the playground with no task may feel unbearable. Your brain might urge you to check your phone, plan dinner, run through your to-do list—anything to avoid feeling unproductive.
💡 Healing Step:
Try asking yourself:
- What would I tell my child about their right to rest and joy?
- What if I am still worthy, even when I am just watching?
- What if my body is asking me to slow down because I need it?
Then, try shifting your focus:
- Instead of productivity → tune into sensory experience. Feel the sun on your face, the crunch of leaves, the sound of your child laughing.
- Instead of self-judgment → notice your child\’s joy. Imagine giving your inner child permission to play too.
3. Play Feels Foreign or Even Grief-Inducing
For some CEN mothers, the playground isn’t just uncomfortable—it’s painful. Watching your child laugh, climb, and explore may awaken a deep, unspoken grief:
\”I never had this kind of childhood.\”
🔹 As a child: You may have had to grow up too soon. Maybe you weren’t allowed to be carefree, imaginative, or silly.
🔹 As a mother: Seeing your child experience what you didn’t can stir sadness, resentment, or emotional numbness. You might unconsciously distance yourself from the moment to avoid feeling these emotions.
💡 Healing Step:
Acknowledge the grief. Instead of pushing it away, place a gentle hand on your heart and tell yourself:
\”This sadness is real. And I can give myself what I didn’t have—starting now.\”
Then, invite yourself into the moment in small ways:
- Sit on the swing for a minute—just to feel it.
- Touch the sand, climb a little, or walk barefoot.
- Smile at your child and let yourself absorb their joy.
- Imagine your younger self playing, too.
This isn’t about forcing play—it’s about making space for a new experience of joy.
4. Social Disconnection: Feeling Like an Outsider
Many CEN mothers struggle with belonging. If you grew up feeling unseen or emotionally disconnected, social settings—even casual ones—can feel awkward, isolating, or even threatening.
🔹 At the playground: Watching other parents chat effortlessly may trigger the belief:
\”Why don’t I fit in? Why is this so hard for me?\”
🔹 Deeper cause: If emotional neglect taught you that your emotions and needs weren’t important, it might feel uncomfortable to initiate connection or take up space in social situations.
💡 Healing Step:
If loneliness is a pattern, start small:
- A simple nod or smile to another parent.
- A grounding practice: Before going, take a deep breath and remind yourself: I belong here too.
- A gentle connection goal: Challenge yourself to say one thing out loud, even if it’s just: “It’s a beautiful day.”
Building connection takes time, but your worth isn’t determined by how social you are.
Q&A: Common Struggles & How to Shift Them
❓ Why do I always want to leave early?
➡ Your nervous system may feel unsafe in stillness. Try staying just five minutes longer than feels comfortable and notice what happens.
❓ Why do I feel guilty if I enjoy myself?
➡ You may have learned that joy and relaxation weren’t for you. Remind yourself: I deserve moments of peace.
❓ What if I feel nothing at all?
➡ Emotional numbness is a common response to neglect. Instead of forcing feelings, focus on physical presence: deep breaths, noticing sensations, stretching, or movement.
Healing Exercises to Try
🌱 The \”Inner Mother\” Exercise
- Close your eyes and imagine your younger self at a playground.
- See her standing there, unsure, hesitant.
- Now, picture your present self walking up to her.
- What would you tell her? What comfort does she need?
✨ Reparenting through Play
- Try engaging with the playground in a small way. Even just sitting on the grass with your child can be an act of healing.
💬 Journaling Prompts
- What does \”doing nothing\” bring up for me emotionally?
- When did I first learn that rest or stillness was uncomfortable?
- How can I practice feeling safe in quiet moments?
Books & Resources for Healing
📖 \”Running on Empty\” – Dr. Jonice Webb (On understanding & healing CEN)
📖 \”Mothering from Your Center\” – Tami Lynn Kent (On reclaiming joy & presence in motherhood)
📖 \”Radical Acceptance\” – Tara Brach (On letting go of self-judgment & embracing stillness)
Final Thoughts: Your Presence Is Enough
If you struggle with playground stillness, you’re not broken. You’re healing from a childhood where stillness didn’t feel safe.
This isn’t about “fixing” yourself—it’s about gently rewriting the story. You deserve to rest. You deserve to belong. You deserve to be present—not because of what you do, but simply because you are here.
Would you like to explore more? Take the next step with:
📖 Motherhood as a Journey of Growth: Embracing the Transition from Maiden to Mother
Your healing matters. And you are never alone in it.
Have you noticed discomfort in still moments as a mother? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how this shows up for you and what has helped!