Healing the Void: From CEN to Wholeness, A Psychological and Seasonal Journey

Tag: matrescence

  • From Maiden to Mother: A Journaling Guide for Embracing the Transition

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    The journey into motherhood is more than a life change—it is a transformation. It is a rite of passage, an unraveling, a deep and irreversible shift in identity. The transition from maiden to mother is both tender and tumultuous, filled with loss, discovery, and redefinition.

    Many of us enter motherhood unprepared for the emotional and psychological shifts it demands. We expect exhaustion, but not the loneliness. We anticipate love, but not the loss of self. We long to be good mothers, yet often feel disconnected from our own intuition.

    This guide offers a path to navigate these changes with self-awareness, reflection, and intention. Through journaling, you will explore the three stages of this transition: separation (letting go of the maiden), liminality (the in-between), and incorporation (embracing the mother).

    Why Journaling Helps with the Maiden to Mother Transition

    Motherhood often stirs emotions from our own childhood wounds, attachment patterns, and unmet needs. Journaling offers a way to witness, process, and integrate these shifts, helping us to step into motherhood with more clarity and confidence.

    Research shows that expressive writing can reduce anxiety, improve emotional regulation, and even help rewire negative thought patterns (Pennebaker & Smyth, 2016). When we put our thoughts on paper, we engage the brain’s problem-solving center, making it easier to release fears, uncover insights, and create meaning.

    Journaling Prompts for Navigating the Transition into Motherhood

    Each of these prompts is designed to help you honor your past self, sit with your emotions, and fully step into your new role.

    1. Separation: Letting Go of the Maiden

    The maiden phase represents freedom, self-exploration, and independence. The transition into motherhood often involves grieving parts of this identity. These prompts help you process this shift:

    • What parts of my old life do I grieve the most?
    • How have my priorities shifted since becoming a mother?
    • What fears do I have about losing myself in motherhood?
    • How do I feel when I see other women without children living freely?
    • What expectations about motherhood have I had to let go of?
    • How can I honor my past self while still embracing my future?
    • What does my maiden self need to hear from me?

    2. Liminal Phase: The In-Between

    This is the messy middle—the place of transformation where the old self has dissolved, but the new self has not fully emerged. This phase often stirs uncertainty, raw emotions, and childhood wounds.

    • What emotions come up when I slow down and sit in stillness?
    • How do I fill my time to avoid facing uncomfortable feelings?
    • What childhood wounds are resurfacing as I navigate motherhood?
    • How do I react when my child expresses emotions I was never allowed to express?
    • In what ways has my inner child been reawakened?
    • What patterns from my own upbringing am I unconsciously repeating?
    • If I could speak to my future, wiser self, what advice would she give me?

    3. Incorporation: Embracing the Mother Archetype

    In this phase, you begin to integrate your new identity as a mother. You may still feel moments of loss, but a deeper sense of purpose, strength, and intuition is emerging. These prompts help you embrace this transformation:

    • What kind of mother do I truly want to be?
    • What strengths have I gained that I didn’t have before?
    • How can I create space to nurture myself while nurturing others?
    • What aspects of motherhood bring me the most joy?
    • How can I reconnect with my intuition and trust myself more?
    • What small daily ritual can I create to honor this transition?
    • If I fully embraced the mother archetype, what would change in my life?

    4. Additional Prompts for Deeper Reflection

    These prompts dive even deeper into self-discovery, healing, and personal growth.

    • How do I feel when I hear the phrase “good mother”?
    • What is the biggest lesson motherhood is teaching me right now?
    • In what moments do I feel most connected to my child?
    • What unmet needs from my childhood am I now aware of?
    • What is my relationship with rest and slowing down?
    • How do I talk to myself on difficult motherhood days?
    • What small act of self-care would make me feel supported today?
    • What does wholeness in motherhood mean to me?
    • If my child could describe me in three words, what would I want them to say?

    How to Use These Prompts

    • Write freely—let your thoughts flow without judgment.
    • Revisit prompts that bring up strong emotions, as they may hold deeper insight.
    • Use voice notes or typed reflections if writing by hand feels overwhelming.
    • Incorporate rituals (like tea, candles, or quiet time) to create a sacred journaling space.

    Free Download: Your Journaling Companion

    To make your journaling journey easier, I’ve created a PDF version of these prompts in soft, grounding colors. You can print it out or keep it on your phone for daily reflection.

    → Download the Maiden to Mother Journaling Prompts PDF

    Download PDF for free

    Final Thoughts

    The transition from maiden to mother is not something you simply get through—it is a profound metamorphosis. It is an unraveling, a reshaping, a homecoming to a deeper version of yourself. Through reflection and intentionality, you can navigate this passage with more grace, awareness, and self-compassion.

    Which prompt resonated with you the most? Have you experienced moments of identity shift in motherhood? Share your reflections in the comments—I’d love to hear from you!

    Q&A: Common Struggles in the Maiden-to-Mother Transition

    1. What if I don’t feel like a mother yet?

    It’s normal. The shift is gradual, and part of you may still feel like the Maiden, resisting full transformation. Journaling and rituals can help you soften into this new identity.

    2. Why does motherhood bring up so many childhood wounds?

    Our children mirror back our own unmet needs. When we struggle with connection, boundaries, or emotional availability, it’s often linked to our earliest experiences with attachment.

    3. I feel overwhelmed and disconnected from myself. What can I do?

    Try writing a \”self-connection\” letter: If you could speak to your deepest self, what would you say? What does she need? This helps bridge the disconnection.

    4. How can I stop over-scheduling and truly connect with my child?

    Ask yourself:

    • \”Am I doing this to create memories or avoid emotions?\”
    • \”Do I feel uncomfortable when there’s nothing planned?\”
      If the answer is yes, experiment with pausing, even for small moments, to sit in stillness with your child.

    5. I feel like I’ve lost my individuality. How can I balance motherhood and selfhood?

    Journaling helps, but so does creating space—even in small ways. What’s one 5-minute ritual that connects you to yourself?

    6. What if I don’t like who I’m becoming?

    Growth is uncomfortable. But within discomfort lies transformation. Write down three things you admire about yourself as a mother.

    7. Can I still keep parts of my Maiden self alive?

    Yes! The Maiden never truly disappears—she evolves. What Maiden traits (creativity, adventure, spontaneity) can you bring into motherhood in a way that feels nourishing?

    Prepared for a deeper exploration of the maiden to mother transition?Check out the following guide.

    Looking for a transformational book? See why Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood is an excellent choice.

  • Motherhood as a Journey of Growth: Embracing the Transition from Maiden to Mother

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    Motherhood changes you. Sometimes in ways you expect—sometimes in ways that shake you to your core.

    One day, you’re you—the person you’ve always known yourself to be. And then, you become someone’s mother.

    For some women, that shift feels natural. For others, it feels like a slow, quiet loss—a fading of the person they once were.

    Maybe you miss the version of yourself who had uninterrupted thoughts, spontaneous outings, or even just the freedom to be alone in your own skin. Maybe you wonder if you’ll ever feel like yourself again.

    This isn’t just a lifestyle change. It’s a psychological transformation.

    There’s a name for this: matrescence—the process of becoming a mother. Just like adolescence, it’s messy, emotional, and full of uncertainty. And like all transitions, it doesn’t happen overnight.

    For some, it happens gradually. For others, it only fully lands after their second child, or when their last baby stops napping and they realize alone time is officially gone.

    But here’s the truth: You aren’t losing yourself. You’re becoming more of who you are.

    This article is here to hold your hand through that journey—to help you understand what’s happening, why you might be resisting it, and how to step into this new role in a way that feels whole, intentional, and deeply you.

    The Maiden Archetype: Who We Were Before Motherhood

    Before children, we are the maiden—a stage of life filled with possibility, self-discovery, and freedom.

    In the maiden phase, you:

    • Follow your own rhythms and desires
    • Make decisions based on what you want and need
    • Feel like your identity is clear—anchored in your work, passions, friendships, or creativity

    This phase is beautiful and necessary. It’s where we build our sense of who we are in the world.

    But then, motherhood happens. And suddenly, we are responsible for someone else’s entire existence.

    And that shift? It can feel like an earthquake.

    The Mother Archetype: What Changes Inside Us

    Stepping into motherhood isn’t just about taking care of a child—it’s about becoming a different version of ourselves.

    The mother archetype is defined by:

    • Deep emotional attunement
    • A fierce, protective love
    • Less focus on personal ambition, more on caregiving
    • A shift from self-exploration to stability and responsibility

    But here’s the part that no one talks about:

    This transition isn’t instant.

    Many of us resist it.

    We feel angry about losing our independence.
    We grieve the version of ourselves who had time to just be.
    We wonder if we’ll ever feel that lightness again.

    And that’s okay.

    Resisting this transition doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. It means you’re human.

    The Resistance Phase: Why It’s So Hard to Let Go of Who We Were

    Maybe you feel it, too—that deep pull to hold onto your old self.

    Maybe you:

    • Feel resentful about always being needed (I discuss the underlying cause of mother rage here)
    • Long for the space to hear your own thoughts again
    • Grieve the spontaneity of your pre-motherhood life
    • Feel guilty for wanting more than just motherhood

    For many women, this resistance is strongest after their second child, when the weight of caregiving becomes undeniable.

    For others, it happens when their last child stops napping, and they realize that quiet moments are no longer guaranteed.

    This resistance is normal. It’s part of the process.

    And just like all transitions, you don’t have to rush it.

    You are allowed to grieve what you’ve lost, even while loving what you’ve gained.

    If you currently feel lost and overwhelmed, read about The Unexpected challenges of motherhood: A Dark Night of the Soul (and how to eventually emerge from it!)

    Matrescence: The Psychology & Biology of Motherhood’s Identity Shift

    Matrescence is a biological, emotional, and hormonal transformation—not just an identity crisis.

    Science shows that motherhood physically changes your brain (Kim et al., 2010). Your gray matter shifts, making you more attuned to your child’s needs. Your hormones rewire your priorities.

    • Oxytocin deepens bonding but makes you more emotionally sensitive.
    • Prolactin pushes you into caregiving mode but can dampen motivation for personal pursuits.
    • Estrogen & progesterone fluctuations affect mood, identity, and resilience.

    So if you feel different? If you’re wondering why you don’t recognize yourself anymore?

    It’s because you are literally becoming someone new.

    Glimmers: The Opposite of Triggers

    Motherhood is full of triggers—moments that push us into frustration, exhaustion, or self-doubt.

    But it’s also full of glimmers—small, fleeting moments of pure love and connection.

    A glimmer is:

    • The warmth of your child sleeping against your chest
    • The way they reach for you instinctively, like you’re home
    • The sparkle in their eyes when they see you walk into a room

    Glimmers are the moments that remind you why this transition is worth it.

    The more you notice them, the easier this journey becomes.

    This article on the gifts of motherhood includes many more examples of glimmers and a free journaling worksheet for a sense of gratitude and accomplishment.

    How to Support Yourself Through This Transformation

    1. Acknowledge the Grief and the Growth

    • You are allowed to grieve your old self.
    • You are also allowed to love who you are becoming.

    2. Create Rituals to Mark the Transition

    3. Find Books That Help You Make Sense of It All
    Some books that beautifully capture this transition:

    These books don’t tell you how to parent—they help you understand how to navigate the identity shift of becoming a mother.

    I go deeper into the healing potential of Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood in the following book review.

    (If you’re looking for books to help you through this journey, I’ve included Amazon affiliate links—but please support local bookstores or thrift shops when possible! If you were going to buy from Amazon anyway, I’d appreciate you using my link.)

    You Are Still You—Just a Deeper Version

    Motherhood doesn’t erase you.

    It stretches you.
    It deepens you.
    It teaches you to hold opposites—love and exhaustion, joy and grief, identity and surrender.

    You don’t have to do this perfectly.

    You just have to allow yourself to become.

    And when you do?
    You might just find that the woman you’re becoming is someone you truly love.

    What Has Helped You in This Transition?

    I’d love to hear your thoughts—how have you navigated the shift from maiden to mother? What moments helped you settle into your new identity? Let’s support each other in the comments.

    References

    Kim, P., Rigo, P., Mayes, L. C., Feldman, R., Leckman, J. F., & Swain, J. E. (2010). \”Motherhood-induced neuroplasticity: Increased gray matter volume in the maternal brain.\” Behavioral Neuroscience, 124(6), 815-825.

    Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. Norton.

    Marchiano, L. (2021). Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself. Sounds True.