Healing the Void: From CEN to Wholeness, A Psychological and Seasonal Journey

Tag: glimmers in motherhood

  • The Rewards of Motherhood: Finding Meaning, Growth, and Everyday Magic

    Motherhood is often framed in terms of exhaustion, sacrifice, and struggle. And while those realities are undeniable, they’re only part of the picture. What’s often overlooked is the deep, soul-nourishing fulfillment that comes with being a mother. The moments of pure love, the personal transformation, the unexpected glimpses of beauty—these are the treasures of motherhood.

    This article is about those rewards: the glimmers, the growth, the meaning. We’ll explore:

    • Glimmers of joy—those small, everyday moments that light up your nervous system with warmth.
    • Motherhood as a path of personal growth—including the heroine’s journey and shadow work.
    • A renewed sense of meaning and purpose—how mothering fulfills core human needs, including the need for status, purpose, and belonging (as described in the Human Givens theory).
    • Journaling prompts to enhance your sense of gratitude, accomplishment, and connection.

    Glimmers: The Small Moments That Make It All Worth It

    “Glimmers” is a term from Polyvagal Theory, describing tiny, positive moments that regulate our nervous system and bring us feelings of safety and joy. Unlike trauma triggers, which activate our fight-or-flight response, glimmers activate the parasympathetic nervous system, allowing us to feel deeply connected and present.

    Motherhood is full of these fleeting yet powerful experiences:

    • The way your child’s face lights up when they see you after a short separation.
    • The feeling of a tiny, warm hand wrapped around your finger.
    • Hearing your child’s first “I love you” or feeling their soft breath as they sleep against you.
    • When your child shares something personal with you, revealing their trust and love.
    • The deep exhale of relief when a fussy baby finally settles into sleep in your arms.
    • A moment of uncontrollable laughter over something silly and unexpected.
    • Seeing your own childhood reflected in their eyes, their joy, their curiosity.
    • When they comfort you, showing an unfiltered, intuitive love.
    • The peace of watching them explore—digging in the dirt, chasing birds, splashing in water.
    • The way your heart swells when you see them accomplish something for the first time.

    Exercise: Identifying Your Own Glimmers

    Take a moment to reflect on the glimmers in your own motherhood journey. If you struggle to notice them, try keeping a “Glimmers Journal”—each night, write down one small but beautiful moment from the day. Over time, you’ll start to train your brain to see and savor these moments.

    Motherhood as a Journey of Personal Growth and Shadow Work

    Motherhood isn’t just about raising children—it’s also about raising yourself into a more healed, self-aware version of you. It’s one of life’s most intense catalysts for growth, forcing you to confront:

    • Your own childhood wounds (triggers from the past surface in your reactions to your child).
    • Perfectionism and control (learning to embrace the chaos of parenting).
    • Patience and surrender (realizing you cannot rush the process of childhood).
    • Boundaries and self-worth (understanding that your needs matter too).

    The Heroine’s Journey in Motherhood

    Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey is often applied to male-dominated myths, but Maureen Murdock’s Heroine’s Journey describes the feminine path of transformation. Motherhood aligns perfectly with this model:

    • Separation from the old self—Becoming a mother shatters your previous identity.
    • Descent into the underworld—Experiencing overwhelm, exhaustion, or identity loss.
    • Meeting the shadow—Facing deep-seated fears, wounds, and childhood conditioning.
    • Integration and rebirth—Emerging with a new sense of self, purpose, and inner strength.

    Rather than resisting these challenges, recognizing them as part of a powerful transformation can help reframe motherhood as a path of deep personal healing.

    For a deeper exploration of this topic, read: The Heroine’s Journey Through Motherhood: A Path of Healing for Emotionally Neglected Daughters

    Fulfillment: How Motherhood Meets Core Human Needs

    The Human Givens framework teaches that every human has biological and emotional needs, including:

    • The need for meaning and purpose → Motherhood provides an unparalleled sense of purpose, knowing you are shaping the next generation.
    • The need for status and recognition → While society often downplays the importance of motherhood, its biological and evolutionary role is one of the highest forms of social contribution.
    • The need for connection and belonging → Children offer a unique, deeply bonded relationship that fulfills our drive for attachment.

    Recognizing these fulfilled needs can help counterbalance the cultural narratives that often diminish the significance of motherhood.

    How Motherhood Connects You to Something Bigger

    Motherhood can feel isolating, but at the same time, it connects you to something vast and ancient.

    • A sense of legacy – You pass down wisdom, stories, love.
    • A deeper connection to nature – Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and sleep cycles all mirror the rhythms of the natural world.
    • A link to all mothers before you – Every culture, every time in history, mothers have felt what you feel.

    Carl Jung & The Universal Mother Archetype

    Jungian psychology speaks of the Mother Archetype, a universal symbol of creation, nourishment, and protection. Whether we realize it or not, when we mother, we step into an ancient role—one that has existed across every culture.

    • You are part of something bigger.
    • You carry forward the essence of life itself.
    • You are both an individual and a link in an unbroken chain.

    Journaling Prompts for Gratitude and a Sense of Accomplishment + Free PDF Journal

    Journaling is a powerful tool for rewiring the brain to notice and appreciate motherhood’s rewards. Try these prompts:

    • What is one small moment today that made me feel deeply connected to my child?
    • How has motherhood helped me grow emotionally?
    • What is something I handled well as a mother today?
    • How has my sense of meaning and purpose changed since becoming a parent?
    • What childhood wounds am I healing through my parenting?
    • How can I reframe a current challenge as an opportunity for personal growth?
    • What do I love most about this stage of motherhood?

    Journaling can be a powerful tool to deepen your connection to motherhood, find meaning in everyday moments, and process personal growth. Download this free worksheet with 30 journaling prompts to guide your reflections and cultivate gratitude on your motherhood journey (no email required).

    Downloaded journaling worksheet for free

    Q&A Section: Common Questions About Finding Fulfillment in Motherhood

    Q: What if I don’t feel the rewards of motherhood right now?
    A: It’s completely normal to go through seasons of burnout and emotional exhaustion. That doesn’t mean motherhood isn’t meaningful—it simply means you need support and self-care to refill your emotional reserves.

    Q: How do I stop focusing on the struggles and see more of the beauty?
    A: Awareness is the first step. Practices like mindfulness, gratitude journaling, and actively noticing glimmers can rewire your brain to focus on positive moments.

    Q: Does fulfillment in motherhood mean I don’t need anything outside of it?
    A: No! Motherhood is meaningful, but it’s not your only source of fulfillment. Personal passions, friendships, and self-care are equally important.

    Conclusion: Embracing the Rewards of Motherhood

    Motherhood isn’t just about giving—it’s also about receiving. The love, the lessons, the small moments of joy—these are all gifts. By intentionally recognizing these rewards, we can shift from feeling overwhelmed by the struggles to feeling deeply nourished by the experience.

    What is it that you love about being a mother? What are your glimmers? Share in the comments, I’d love to hear from you!

    Looking to explore the maiden to mother transition? Motherhood as a Journey of Growth: Embracing the Transition from Maiden to Mother

    Searching for a transformational book? See why Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood is an excellent choice.

    References

    • Porges, S. (1995). Polyvagal Theory: The Role of the Vagus Nerve in Emotion and Social Connection.
    • Murdock, M. (1990). The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness.
    • Griffin, J., & Tyrrell, I. (2003). Human Givens: The New Approach to Emotional Health and Clear Thinking.

  • Motherhood as a Journey of Growth: Embracing the Transition from Maiden to Mother

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    Motherhood changes you. Sometimes in ways you expect—sometimes in ways that shake you to your core.

    One day, you’re you—the person you’ve always known yourself to be. And then, you become someone’s mother.

    For some women, that shift feels natural. For others, it feels like a slow, quiet loss—a fading of the person they once were.

    Maybe you miss the version of yourself who had uninterrupted thoughts, spontaneous outings, or even just the freedom to be alone in your own skin. Maybe you wonder if you’ll ever feel like yourself again.

    This isn’t just a lifestyle change. It’s a psychological transformation.

    There’s a name for this: matrescence—the process of becoming a mother. Just like adolescence, it’s messy, emotional, and full of uncertainty. And like all transitions, it doesn’t happen overnight.

    For some, it happens gradually. For others, it only fully lands after their second child, or when their last baby stops napping and they realize alone time is officially gone.

    But here’s the truth: You aren’t losing yourself. You’re becoming more of who you are.

    This article is here to hold your hand through that journey—to help you understand what’s happening, why you might be resisting it, and how to step into this new role in a way that feels whole, intentional, and deeply you.

    The Maiden Archetype: Who We Were Before Motherhood

    Before children, we are the maiden—a stage of life filled with possibility, self-discovery, and freedom.

    In the maiden phase, you:

    • Follow your own rhythms and desires
    • Make decisions based on what you want and need
    • Feel like your identity is clear—anchored in your work, passions, friendships, or creativity

    This phase is beautiful and necessary. It’s where we build our sense of who we are in the world.

    But then, motherhood happens. And suddenly, we are responsible for someone else’s entire existence.

    And that shift? It can feel like an earthquake.

    The Mother Archetype: What Changes Inside Us

    Stepping into motherhood isn’t just about taking care of a child—it’s about becoming a different version of ourselves.

    The mother archetype is defined by:

    • Deep emotional attunement
    • A fierce, protective love
    • Less focus on personal ambition, more on caregiving
    • A shift from self-exploration to stability and responsibility

    But here’s the part that no one talks about:

    This transition isn’t instant.

    Many of us resist it.

    We feel angry about losing our independence.
    We grieve the version of ourselves who had time to just be.
    We wonder if we’ll ever feel that lightness again.

    And that’s okay.

    Resisting this transition doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. It means you’re human.

    The Resistance Phase: Why It’s So Hard to Let Go of Who We Were

    Maybe you feel it, too—that deep pull to hold onto your old self.

    Maybe you:

    • Feel resentful about always being needed (I discuss the underlying cause of mother rage here)
    • Long for the space to hear your own thoughts again
    • Grieve the spontaneity of your pre-motherhood life
    • Feel guilty for wanting more than just motherhood

    For many women, this resistance is strongest after their second child, when the weight of caregiving becomes undeniable.

    For others, it happens when their last child stops napping, and they realize that quiet moments are no longer guaranteed.

    This resistance is normal. It’s part of the process.

    And just like all transitions, you don’t have to rush it.

    You are allowed to grieve what you’ve lost, even while loving what you’ve gained.

    If you currently feel lost and overwhelmed, read about The Unexpected challenges of motherhood: A Dark Night of the Soul (and how to eventually emerge from it!)

    Matrescence: The Psychology & Biology of Motherhood’s Identity Shift

    Matrescence is a biological, emotional, and hormonal transformation—not just an identity crisis.

    Science shows that motherhood physically changes your brain (Kim et al., 2010). Your gray matter shifts, making you more attuned to your child’s needs. Your hormones rewire your priorities.

    • Oxytocin deepens bonding but makes you more emotionally sensitive.
    • Prolactin pushes you into caregiving mode but can dampen motivation for personal pursuits.
    • Estrogen & progesterone fluctuations affect mood, identity, and resilience.

    So if you feel different? If you’re wondering why you don’t recognize yourself anymore?

    It’s because you are literally becoming someone new.

    Glimmers: The Opposite of Triggers

    Motherhood is full of triggers—moments that push us into frustration, exhaustion, or self-doubt.

    But it’s also full of glimmers—small, fleeting moments of pure love and connection.

    A glimmer is:

    • The warmth of your child sleeping against your chest
    • The way they reach for you instinctively, like you’re home
    • The sparkle in their eyes when they see you walk into a room

    Glimmers are the moments that remind you why this transition is worth it.

    The more you notice them, the easier this journey becomes.

    This article on the gifts of motherhood includes many more examples of glimmers and a free journaling worksheet for a sense of gratitude and accomplishment.

    How to Support Yourself Through This Transformation

    1. Acknowledge the Grief and the Growth

    • You are allowed to grieve your old self.
    • You are also allowed to love who you are becoming.

    2. Create Rituals to Mark the Transition

    3. Find Books That Help You Make Sense of It All
    Some books that beautifully capture this transition:

    These books don’t tell you how to parent—they help you understand how to navigate the identity shift of becoming a mother.

    I go deeper into the healing potential of Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood in the following book review.

    (If you’re looking for books to help you through this journey, I’ve included Amazon affiliate links—but please support local bookstores or thrift shops when possible! If you were going to buy from Amazon anyway, I’d appreciate you using my link.)

    You Are Still You—Just a Deeper Version

    Motherhood doesn’t erase you.

    It stretches you.
    It deepens you.
    It teaches you to hold opposites—love and exhaustion, joy and grief, identity and surrender.

    You don’t have to do this perfectly.

    You just have to allow yourself to become.

    And when you do?
    You might just find that the woman you’re becoming is someone you truly love.

    What Has Helped You in This Transition?

    I’d love to hear your thoughts—how have you navigated the shift from maiden to mother? What moments helped you settle into your new identity? Let’s support each other in the comments.

    References

    Kim, P., Rigo, P., Mayes, L. C., Feldman, R., Leckman, J. F., & Swain, J. E. (2010). \”Motherhood-induced neuroplasticity: Increased gray matter volume in the maternal brain.\” Behavioral Neuroscience, 124(6), 815-825.

    Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. Norton.

    Marchiano, L. (2021). Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself. Sounds True.