“Motherhood forces you to confront the unexamined parts of yourself.” — Lisa Marchiano
Motherhood has a way of cracking us open. It brings joy, yes—but also a quiet, aching grief, an unsettling sense that something is missing. For those who grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)—where emotions were dismissed, overlooked, or never nurtured—motherhood can feel like a sudden flood after a lifetime of drought.
Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself is not a parenting book. It is a book about self-discovery through the lens of motherhood—something uniquely valuable for those healing from CEN. By weaving Jungian depth psychology, myths, and real-life stories, Marchiano guides mothers through the process of reclaiming lost parts of themselves.
But why is this book especially important for those with CEN? And how can it help untangle the deep emotional wounds that surface in motherhood?
How Childhood Emotional Neglect Shapes Motherhood
If you grew up with CEN, you likely learned to suppress your emotions, minimize your needs, and overfunction for others. These patterns don’t disappear when you become a mother; they often intensify.
Signs of CEN That Resurface in Motherhood:
- Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected from your child’s needs.
- Struggling with overwhelming guilt when setting boundaries.
- Feeling resentful or exhausted but unable to ask for help.
- Being unsure how to comfort or emotionally attune to your child.
- A persistent sense of not being “enough” as a mother.
In Motherhood, Marchiano suggests that becoming a mother is an initiation—one that forces us to confront these deeply ingrained patterns. The emotions we suppressed in childhood begin to reawaken, and suddenly, we are face to face with our unmet needs.
For many, this brings a crisis of identity: Who am I outside of the roles I’ve been given? And what happens when motherhood makes me feel lost rather than whole?
Motherhood and Attachment Wounds: Reparenting Ourselves
Many people who experienced CEN also grew up with insecure attachment—either an avoidant style (where emotions were dismissed) or an anxious style (where love felt unpredictable). These attachment wounds shape how we relate to our children, our partners, and most painfully, ourselves.
Avoidant Attachment & Motherhood
If you grew up suppressing emotions, motherhood may feel overwhelming. You might:
- Struggle with deep discomfort when your child is emotionally needy.
- Feel emotionally distant or numb but not know why.
- Prefer to focus on practical caregiving rather than emotional connection.
Anxious Attachment & Motherhood
If you experienced inconsistent love, you might:
- Feel constantly afraid of failing as a mother.
- Become overly focused on your child’s emotions at the expense of your own.
- Struggle with perfectionism and guilt.
Marchiano’s book helps mothers recognize these patterns with compassion, not shame. She suggests that by becoming aware of our attachment wounds, we can start the process of reparenting ourselves—learning to meet our own emotional needs while caring for our children.
Motherhood and CPTSD: When the Past Reawakens
For many mothers with CEN, motherhood triggers deep-seated wounds that had long been buried. This is especially true for those who have experienced Complex PTSD (CPTSD)—a condition linked to prolonged emotional neglect, trauma, or toxic family dynamics.
Symptoms of CPTSD in motherhood can include:
- Emotional flashbacks—feeling suddenly small, helpless, or unworthy.
- Dissociation—numbing out, going through the motions of parenting but feeling detached.
- Overwhelming self-criticism—hearing an internal voice saying, “I’m a bad mom.”
- Panic or rage in response to small triggers—a sign of deep, unprocessed pain.
Marchiano doesn’t pathologize these struggles. Instead, she offers something radical: the idea that motherhood is a portal to healing. By bringing buried wounds to the surface, it allows us to work through them rather than carry them forward.
The Power of Myth: How Stories Help Us Heal
One of the most compelling parts of Motherhood is Marchiano’s use of myths and storytelling. Drawing from Jungian depth psychology, she explores how ancient stories mirror the hidden struggles of modern mothers.
Some of the most powerful myths in the book include:
- The Handless Maiden—A story of sacrifice, suffering, and self-reclamation.
- Inanna’s Descent—A metaphor for the death and rebirth of identity in motherhood.
- The Ugly Duckling—A reflection of CEN’s core wound: feeling like we don’t belong.
These stories help us see our struggles not as personal failings, but as part of a universal human experience. They remind us that feeling lost is part of transformation—and that there is a way forward.
Practical Takeaways: Exercises for Healing
Marchiano doesn’t just offer insight—she offers practical tools for healing. Here are a few ways to integrate her wisdom into daily life:
1. The “Listening to Your Inner Child” Exercise
- Sit in a quiet space and imagine yourself as a small child.
- Ask: What do you need from me right now?
- Write down what comes up—without judgment.
2. Journaling Prompts for CEN in Motherhood
- What emotional needs went unmet in my childhood? How do they show up in my parenting?
- When do I feel the most disconnected from my emotions?
- What does my inner child need to hear from me today?
3. Self-Compassion Practice
- When you hear your inner critic say, You’re failing as a mother, respond with:
- I am learning, just like my child is learning.
- It’s okay to not be perfect.
- My needs matter too.
Further Reading for CEN & Motherhood
If Motherhood resonates with you, these books can deepen your journey:
- Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect – Jonice Webb
- What Happened to You? – Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
- The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk
- Parenting from the Inside Out – Dan Siegel & Mary Hartzell
Remember, supporting local bookstores or thrift shops is ideal—if unavailable, feel free to use my Amazon affiliate links. Your support is deeply appreciated.
Final Thoughts: Motherhood as an Invitation to Healing
For those who grew up with CEN, motherhood can feel like an unraveling. But it can also be a powerful chance to heal—to finally give ourselves the love, patience, and emotional attunement we never received.
Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood is not about how to raise children. It is about how motherhood transforms us—whether we resist it or embrace it. It is a book that says: You are not alone. Your struggles are real. And your healing is possible.
Ready to purchase Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood? Please consider supporting local bookstores or thrift shops. If those aren’t available, you can purchase via my Amazon affiliate link here. This way I earn a small commission at no extra cost for you. I appreciate your support.
How has your own journey with CEN or attachment wounds influenced your experience of motherhood? Share your insights, struggles, or breakthroughs in the comments below. Your story might be the encouragement another mother needs to begin her healing journey.
Are you struggling with mother rage? Do you want to understand how CEN fuels it and how to begin healing? Check out Mother Rage and the Hidden Wounds of Childhood Emotional Neglect: Understanding, Healing and Finding Peace
Leave a Reply