Healing the Void: From CEN to Wholeness

Tag: breaking generational cycles

  • Breaking the Line of Silent Pain: Motherhood Shouldn’t be a Choice Between Self-Sacrifice and Emotional Distance (+free PDF)

    The Wound Passed Down – A Story of Three Generations

    I was never supposed to know.

    The first time I heard about my grandmother’s suicide, I was already grieving my mother’s. A family secret, locked away for decades, suddenly unfolded before me like a long-forgotten letter. The weight of it pressed into my bones, as if I had always carried something I couldn’t name.

    My grandmother had given everything to her family—her time, her body, her dreams. A life of self-sacrifice, the quiet suffering of a woman who never asked for more. When there was nothing left of herself, she vanished.

    My mother, having lived in the shadow of that silent martyrdom, did the opposite. She refused to be swallowed by motherhood, kept an emotional distance, prioritized her independence. But in the end, the emptiness found her too.

    And now, here I am. With two children of my own. Torn between the two paths I had inherited:

    • The mother who gave too much and disappeared.
    • The mother who pulled away and still disappeared.

    On the other side of the family, another echo.

    My paternal great-grandmother—a woman who endured, tolerated, swallowed her voice. She took care of everyone, even a husband who betrayed her. She believed that was what love meant.

    But her daughter, my paternal grandmother, rejected all of it. She refused to be her mother’s shadow, so she built a life away from family. She chose ambition, work, and divorce at 25 rather than repeating the cycle.

    Two generations, the same wound, the same swing between extremes—giving everything away or taking everything back. Nothing in between.

    Now, standing at the crossroads, I wonder: How do you break a cycle when both options lead to loss?

    The Inheritance We Don’t Talk About

    Some inheritances are obvious—family heirlooms, traditions, physical traits. Others are invisible, woven into the fabric of who we are before we even have the words to understand them. Trauma is one of those inheritances. Not just the loud, obvious traumas of violence or neglect, but the subtle ones, the ones wrapped in silence.

    In so many motherlines, one wound repeats over and over: women putting themselves last until there is nothing left, or avoiding emotional closeness out of fear that they will disappear into it. If you’ve felt torn between these two extremes—self-sacrifice and emotional withdrawal—you are not alone. You are standing at the fault line of intergenerational pain, where the stories of the past are still shaping your present.

    But here’s the thing: you don’t have to repeat the pattern. You also don’t have to reject your motherline entirely. There is another way.

    This article will explore:

    • Why trauma continues when it remains unspoken
    • How the heroine’s journey offers a path to healing
    • Shadow work for understanding and integrating your motherline
    • Practical steps to break the cycle while honoring where you come from

    Because healing the motherline isn’t just about stopping the pain. It’s about creating something new.

    The Motherline and the Wound of Silence

    Why Trauma Continues When It Remains Unspoken

    Family trauma doesn’t just pass down through genetics or direct experience—it embeds itself in what is left unsaid. The taboos, the silences, the gaps in family stories—these are the spaces where unprocessed pain lingers. When our mothers and grandmothers couldn’t speak their truth, we inherited not only their wounds but also their inability to heal them.

    If a woman spent her life putting herself last, never acknowledging her exhaustion, her daughter likely grew up absorbing two conflicting messages:

    1. A mother’s love means sacrificing yourself.
    2. That sacrifice is unbearable.

    The daughter may then reject that model, distancing herself emotionally to avoid the same fate. But in doing so, she often swings to the other extreme—keeping loved ones at arm’s length, fearing that intimacy will swallow her whole. Her own children, in turn, feel emotionally abandoned and may later overcorrect in the opposite direction, losing themselves in their relationships. And so, the cycle continues.

    But what happens when the trauma isn’t just felt—it’s hidden?

    When Family Secrets Become Emotional Cages

    I never knew my grandmother had taken her own life. No one told me. Not until my mother did the same. Only then did I learn the truth.

    The silence around my grandmother’s pain had been absolute. It was not spoken of, not processed, not grieved aloud. And so, it festered—becoming a ghost in the family line, haunting us in ways we didn’t understand.

    Secrecy turns trauma into a legacy. When we aren’t given the full story, we don’t get to make sense of it. Instead, we live out its consequences without knowing their origin. This is how patterns repeat: not because we want them to, but because we were never given another way.

    I grew up absorbing the aftershocks of my mother’s struggles, but without the language to name them. She, too, had likely felt the weight of something unspoken in her own childhood. And in the end, despite making different choices, despite knowing what she didn’t want, she followed the same tragic path.

    Breaking the Silence: The Heroine’s Journey

    Many people are familiar with the Hero’s Journey—a path of adventure, trials, and self-discovery. But the Heroine’s Journey, as described by Maureen Murdock, is different. It is the journey of a woman reclaiming the lost parts of herself, healing the rift between her feminine and masculine energies, and integrating her personal power.

    For those of us caught between self-sacrifice and emotional detachment, the Heroine’s Journey provides a new framework for healing. The stages include:

    1. Separation from the Feminine – Rejecting the self-sacrificing mother figure, seeking independence.
    2. Identification with the Masculine – Valuing productivity, autonomy, emotional distance.
    3. The Illusion of Success – Believing this path will bring fulfillment, yet feeling empty.
    4. The Descent to the Dark Goddess (Shadow Work) – Facing the suppressed wounds of the motherline.
    5. Integration and Return – Embracing both autonomy and connection, forging a new path.

    If we follow this journey, we stop blindly repeating the choices of our ancestors and start creating something new—a motherhood that is neither martyrdom nor avoidance, but a place of presence, boundaries, and self-respect.

    I\’ll seamlessly integrate this research into the previous part while maintaining the flow and depth of the piece. I\’ll ensure it feels natural, reinforcing the importance of breaking generational cycles while keeping the tone therapeutic yet grounded in science.

    Give me a moment to do this properly.

    Healing the Motherline: What Needs to Be Spoken

    Trauma continues when it is taboo.
    It lingers in silences, in the things we are never told, in the pain we sense but cannot name.

    Women of past generations rarely spoke of their suffering. Their silence was a survival mechanism—born of societal expectations, shame, and the simple fact that there was no space for their grief. A mother could not afford to break down when she had children to feed, a household to run, and a husband to keep from leaving. Instead, pain was swallowed, pushed down, and absorbed into the body. But what remains unspoken does not disappear.

    Studies in epigenetics reveal that trauma leaves biological marks, altering how genes are expressed in future generations. Research on Holocaust survivors and their children shows that the body holds onto the biochemical imprints of trauma, affecting stress responses in the next generation (Yehuda et al., 2005). Similar findings exist for the descendants of famine survivors, whose bodies metabolize food differently—primed for scarcity even in times of abundance (Tobi et al., 2009). Animal studies suggest that even experiences of fear and stress can be passed down, shaping nervous systems before birth (Dias & Ressler, 2014).

    And it is not just in the body. Psychological studies confirm that unprocessed trauma in parents shapes attachment patterns, emotional regulation, and mental health in their children. Daughters of war survivors, for example, often experience heightened anxiety despite never having lived through conflict themselves (Dekel & Goldblatt, 2008). Other research suggests that when a mother suppresses her grief, her daughter unconsciously carries it, often without understanding why she feels a sadness that does not fully belong to her (Serbin et al., 2014).

    The motherline holds these unspoken truths, passed down not only through blood but through behavior, through what is left unsaid. Healing begins when we bring them into consciousness—when we name them. This does not necessarily mean confronting our mothers or grandmothers; sometimes, they are too wounded to acknowledge their own pain. But we can acknowledge it within ourselves. We can make the unconscious conscious so that we are no longer simply repeating what came before.

    Exercises for Healing the Motherline

    These exercises help bring awareness to the inherited wounds we carry—so we can hold them with compassion instead of blindly living them out.

    1. Write a letter to your motherline.
    • Speak to the women who came before you. Tell them what you have learned, what you wish they had known, and what you are choosing to do differently.
    • If you feel anger, allow it. If you feel grief, allow that too. The goal is to bring what has been suppressed into the light.
    1. Create a dialogue between your inner mother and inner child.
    • Close your eyes and imagine your younger self sitting in front of you. What does she need to hear? What does she wish her mother had told her?
    • Now, imagine your inner mother—a wise, loving part of you that holds deep compassion. Let her speak.
    1. Recognize inherited beliefs vs. personal truths.
    • Write down common phrases you heard about womanhood, motherhood, or self-worth growing up. Were they loving, limiting, or shaming?
    • Ask yourself: Does this belief serve me? If not, what truth do I want to replace it with?

    By speaking what was once unspoken, we begin to reclaim our own voices. We stop blindly repeating the choices of our ancestors and start creating something new—a motherhood that is neither martyrdom nor avoidance, but a place of presence, boundaries, and self-respect.

    Walking a New Path Without Losing Connection

    Breaking generational patterns does not mean rejecting our lineage. True healing is not about choosing one extreme over the other but walking the middle path—a path where we care for ourselves without guilt and nurture our children without losing our identity.

    But how do we do this in practice? How do we honor where we come from while forging a different way forward?

    Practical Steps for Breaking the Cycle

    1. Learn to care for yourself without guilt.
    • Recognize that self-care is not selfish; it is a way to prevent passing down burnout and resentment to the next generation.
    • Start small: Take 15 minutes a day to do something for yourself, whether it’s reading, resting, or simply breathing.
    1. Nurture your children without losing yourself.
    • Watch for patterns of over-sacrificing or withdrawing. If either feels familiar, pause and ask: “Am I repeating the past, or responding to the present?”
    • Model balance: Show your children what it looks like to meet your own needs, so they learn to meet theirs.
    1. Honor your motherline while forging your own way.
    • Acknowledge their struggles. You do not have to agree with their choices, but recognizing why they made them can create space for understanding.
    • Instead of rejecting everything from the past, choose what to keep and what to release. Healing is not about cutting off—it is about integration.

    Download Free Worksheet

    Healing the Motherline: A Journaling & Reflection Worksheet

    This worksheet is designed to help you bring awareness to inherited beliefs, process unspoken pain, and consciously reshape your relationship with motherhood, womanhood, and your lineage. You don’t need to complete it all at once—return to it as needed. Healing is a journey, not a single exercise.

    Download now

    Further Reading & Resources

    • Books on intergenerational trauma and motherline healing:
    • It Didn’t Start with You by Mark Wolynn
    • Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel
    • The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller
    • YouTube talks & podcasts:
    • Gabor Maté on generational trauma
    • The Holistic Psychologist on breaking family patterns
    • Clarissa Pinkola Estés on reclaiming the wild feminine

    Conclusion: A New Inheritance

    The most radical act of healing is choosing to be fully present.

    When we become conscious of the patterns we inherited, we gain the power to transform them. No longer trapped between self-sacrifice and emotional avoidance, we step into a different way of mothering—one that honors both our lineage and ourselves.

    We stop living out the pain of the past and start creating a new inheritance. One of truth, of presence, of love that does not require self-erasure.

    What’s one belief about motherhood you inherited that you’re ready to question? Share in the comments.

    Explore further:

    Motherhood as a Journey of Growth: Embracing the Transition from Maiden to Mother

    Recommended Books for Emotional Healing & Motherhood

    Self-Care Rituals from Ancient Traditions for Modern Mothers

    Leaning into the Mother Archetype: Healing CEN and CPTSD Patterns of Avoidance

    Breaking the Cycle: How Your Attachment Style Shapes Parenting (and How to Foster Secure Attachment in Your Child)

    References

    • Yehuda, R., et al. (2005). \”Holocaust Exposure Induced Intergenerational Effects on FKBP5 Methylation.\” Biological Psychiatry.
    • Tobi, E. W., et al. (2009). \”Early Nutrition and Later Life Metabolic Programming in the Dutch Famine Birth Cohort.\” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
    • Dias, B. G., & Ressler, K. J. (2014). \”Parental Olfactory Experience Influences Behavior and Neural Structure in Subsequent Generations.\” Nature Neuroscience.
    • Dekel, S., & Goldblatt, H. (2008). \”Is There Intergenerational Transmission of Trauma? The Case of Combat Veterans\’ Children.\” American Journal of Orthopsychiatry.
    • Serbin, L. A., et al. (2014). \”Intergenerational Transmission of Psychopathology and the Role of Emotion Dysregulation.\” Journal of Abnormal Psychology.

  • Why You Resist Sleep Even When Exhausted: The Hidden Emotional Roots of Insomnia

    Introduction: When Sleep Feels Like the Enemy

    You’re exhausted. Your eyes burn, your body feels heavy, and you know you need sleep. Yet, instead of crawling into bed, you:

    • Scroll endlessly on your phone, even though you don’t care about what you’re seeing.
    • Decide that now is the perfect time to start cleaning, organizing, or catching up on work.
    • Tell yourself just one more episode, one more chapter, one more minute—until you’ve lost another hour.
    • Sit in the quiet, staring at nothing, feeling like you need to do something before sleeping, but you’re not sure what.

    By morning, you regret it. But at night, you can’t help yourself.

    If this cycle feels familiar, you’re not lazy or undisciplined. There’s a deeper reason your mind resists sleep.

    This article explores:
    ✔ Why sleep resistance happens (especially for mothers & those with childhood emotional neglect).
    ✔ The unmet needs hidden beneath bedtime procrastination.
    ✔ How to gently shift this pattern—without forcing yourself into harsh discipline.

    The Hidden Emotional Reasons You Resist Sleep

    1. You Feel Like You Haven’t Truly Existed Today

    📖 The Need: Presence and acknowledgment.

    Does this sound familiar?

    • Your entire day was spent caring for others—children, a partner, work, obligations. But you barely felt present in it.
    • You didn’t have a single uninterrupted moment to do something just for yourself.
    • It’s like you ran through the day without actually experiencing it.
    • Now, at night, you don’t want to sleep because it feels like you never really lived today.

    Subconscious thought: I can’t let the day end until I’ve had a moment where I feel like a person, not just a function.

    🔹 How to Work With This:
    ✅ Sprinkle small “me-moments” throughout the day.

    • Instead of waiting until midnight to reclaim yourself, anchor yourself into the day with small but real moments:
    • Close your eyes and take one deep, slow breath while standing at the sink.
    • Step outside and feel the air on your skin for 10 seconds.
    • Sip a cup of tea without multitasking—just feeling the warmth in your hands.
    • Listen to a song that makes you feel something real.
    • Whisper to yourself: I am here.

    ✅ Try a 2-minute \”daily check-in\” ritual.

    • Instead of numbing out at night, sit for two minutes and ask: What was one tiny, beautiful thing about today?
    • It could be a child\’s giggle, a bite of food, a deep stretch, a moment of laughter.
    • Let it count. Let today feel real before you end it.

    2. You Need Autonomy in a Life of Obligation

    📖 The Need: A sense of control and freedom.

    If your days feel dictated by other people’s needs, sleep resistance can be an act of rebellion.

    • Maybe you’re a mother whose whole day is structured around nap schedules, meal prep, and responding to small voices calling “Mama!”
    • Maybe you work a job where you’re constantly putting out fires, answering emails, and being available.
    • Maybe you grew up in a household where your time and choices were never truly yours.

    By staying up, you’re claiming a tiny piece of autonomy.

    Subconscious thought: This is the one thing no one can take from me. I choose this time.

    🔹 How to Work With This:
    ✅ Reframe sleep as an empowered choice, not an obligation.

    • Instead of seeing rest as something being forced on you, reframe it as:
    • I choose to take care of myself.
    • I decide when I sleep—not exhaustion, not guilt, not habit.

    ✅ Create a tiny, intentional “autonomy ritual” at night.

    • Instead of scrolling numbly, do something small but deeply yours:
    • A warm drink in silence.
    • Writing one sentence in a journal.
    • A stretching movement that feels good.
    • Lighting a candle and watching the flame.

    Even 5 minutes of mindful autonomy is more fulfilling than 2 hours of scrolling.

    3. You Fear the Day Slipping Away Without Meaning

    📖 The Need: A sense of fulfillment.

    • Have you ever stayed up just to make the day feel less wasted?
    • You didn’t do anything big today—no progress on a passion, no deep conversations, just survival.
    • So you delay sleep, hoping to squeeze in something meaningful at the last minute.

    Subconscious thought: If I go to bed now, what did this day even mean?

    🔹 How to Work With This:
    ✅ Let small moments of meaning be enough.

    • A day doesn’t have to be “productive” to be meaningful.
    • Before bed, ask: What was one small thing that mattered today?
    • Say it out loud. Write it down. Let it count.

    ✅ Do a 5-minute “purpose moment” at night.

    • Read a paragraph from a book that inspires you.
    • Write down one kind thing you did today.
    • Look at the moon. Let it be enough.

    Science-Backed Solutions for Sleep Resistance

    🔬 1. The Psychology of \”Revenge Bedtime Procrastination\”

    • Studies show that people who feel a lack of control over their daytime schedules are more likely to delay sleep at night. (Kroese et al., 2014)

    🔬 2. How Suppressed Emotions Disrupt Sleep

    • Emotional suppression is linked to higher physiological arousal at night, making it harder to fall asleep. (Vandekerckhove & Cluydts, 2010)
    • Solution: Journaling before bed can help process emotions.

    🔬 3. The Role of Cortisol and Hyperarousal

    • Chronic stress keeps cortisol levels high at night, making rest difficult. (Buckley & Schatzberg, 2005)
    • Solution: Gentle nervous system regulation (slow breathing, rocking, warm baths).

    Final Words: Reclaiming Rest as Your Birthright

    • Sleep is not wasted time.
    • Rest does not erase your worth.
    • Going to bed doesn’t mean giving up on yourself. It means you trust yourself enough to continue tomorrow.

    Tonight, instead of forcing yourself to be productive, try this:
    ⭐ Breathe.
    ⭐ Name one thing that mattered today.
    ⭐ Whisper to yourself: I am allowed to rest.

    You are here. That is enough.

    Call to Action: Reclaim Rest & Heal from Within

    If it’s not evening yet and you\’re not ready to sleep, explore the deeper layers of your experience:

    📖 Motherhood as a Journey of Growth: Embracing the Transition from Maiden to Mother – Understand the emotional transformation of motherhood and how to reconnect with yourself.

    🔥 Mother Rage and the Hidden Wounds of Childhood Emotional Neglect: Understanding, Healing, and Finding Peace – Unmet needs often surface as anger. Learn how to process and release it in healthy ways.

    ❤️ Breaking the Cycle: How Your Attachment Style Shapes Parenting (and How to Foster Secure Attachment in Your Child) – Break generational cycles and build secure connections with your child.

    Your healing matters. You are worthy of rest, renewal, and deep self-understanding.

  • Mother Rage and the Hidden Wounds of Childhood Emotional Neglect: Understanding, Healing, and Finding Peace

    Introduction: The Rage No One Talks About

    You love your child more than anything. You envisioned gentle, patient motherhood—but then, seemingly out of nowhere, rage erupts. The kind that makes your hands shake, your chest tighten, your voice rise before you can stop it. And afterward, the shame crashes in:

    \”Why did I react like that? What kind of mother am I?\”

    If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Mother rage is a deeply common but rarely discussed experience, often linked to long-buried, unmet emotional needs from childhood. If you grew up with childhood emotional neglect (CEN)—where your emotions were dismissed, ignored, or simply not noticed—you may struggle to recognize and regulate your own feelings, especially anger.

    But here’s the truth: Your rage is not proof that you\’re failing. It’s a message from the part of you that was never allowed to have needs. And with understanding, self-compassion, and the right tools, you can begin to heal that part—for yourself, and for your children.

    How Childhood Emotional Neglect Leads to Mother Rage

    What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)?

    Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), a term coined by Dr. Jonice Webb in Running on Empty (featured in my list of recommended books) happens when parents fail to respond to their child’s emotional needs—not through abuse or cruelty, but often through simple emotional unawareness.

    If your parents dismissed your feelings (“Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal”), expected you to be self-sufficient too early, or rewarded you for being “easy” and undemanding, you likely internalized the belief that your emotions—and needs—were burdensome.

    As a child, you adapted by disconnecting from your emotions to keep the peace. But as a mother, this emotional suppression can explode when faced with the relentless demands of parenting.

    Why Mother Rage Feels So Overwhelming

    Motherhood is an emotionally intensive experience. Every day, you’re called to meet your child’s needs: feeding, comforting, listening, teaching. If you never had your own needs fully met, this can feel deeply triggering—as if each cry or tantrum is an accusation, pushing on an old wound:

    ✔ You were never allowed to have big feelings—so your child’s big feelings overwhelm you.
    ✔ You learned to push through exhaustion—so you feel resentment when your child needs you non-stop.
    ✔ You never learned healthy emotional regulation—so your frustration builds until it explodes.

    Rage is often a sign of depletion, of being unheard for too long. But because mothers are expected to be endlessly patient and self-sacrificing, many of us turn that rage inward—in the form of guilt, shame, and self-blame.

    The Link Between Mother Rage and Attachment Patterns

    Our earliest relationships shape the way we respond to stress—including the stress of parenting. If you had emotionally unavailable parents, you may have developed an insecure attachment style, making it harder to trust that your needs matter.

    🔹 Anxious attachment: You may feel like you’re constantly “failing” as a mom, second-guessing yourself, and overcompensating to avoid being seen as “not enough.” This leads to exhaustion and burnout.

    🔹 Avoidant attachment: You may feel emotionally disconnected, numbing yourself when overwhelmed, or feeling resentment when your child needs emotional closeness.

    Understanding your attachment patterns can help you break the cycle—so your children don’t inherit the same emotional wounds.

    Healing Mother Rage: Reclaiming Your Right to Have Needs

    Step 1: Recognizing and Validating Your Own Needs

    If you were raised to ignore your emotions, you may not even recognize when your own needs are unmet. Start by asking:

    ✔ When was the last time I did something just for myself?
    ✔ Do I feel seen, heard, and supported in my daily life?
    ✔ Do I allow myself to rest without guilt?

    Many mothers realize that they’re running on emotional empty, because they were never taught to see their needs as important. But you can start changing that today.

    Journal Prompt:

    Write a letter to your younger self, telling her that her emotions and needs always mattered. What would you want her to know?

    Step 2: Managing Rage in the Moment

    When you feel anger rising, you don’t have to suppress it—but you also don’t have to explode. Here’s what helps:

    ✔ The 5-Second Pause: Before reacting, take a deep breath and name what you\’re feeling: \”I am overwhelmed right now.\” This simple pause can interrupt automatic reactions.

    ✔ The \”I Need\” Statement: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, say what you need: “I need five minutes alone,” or “I need a hug.”

    ✔ Physical Release: Rage is a physiological experience. Shake out your hands, stomp your feet, or step outside for fresh air to release the energy.

    ✔ Grounding Exercise: Press your hands on a solid surface and say, “I am safe. I am allowed to have feelings. I am learning.”

    Step 3: Creating Emotional Safety for Yourself

    ✔ Therapy & Support Groups: Running on Empty (Jonice Webb) and Motherhood (Lisa Marchiano) offer powerful insights into healing emotional neglect. I go deeper into the healing potential of Lisa Marchiano’s Motherhood in the following book review.

    ✔ Reparenting Yourself: Speak to yourself with the warmth and kindness you wish you\’d received. (\”It makes sense that I feel this way. I\’m allowed to have needs.\”)

    ✔ Letting Go of Perfectionism: Your children don’t need a perfect mother—they need one who is real, present, and healing.

    Q&A: Your Biggest Mother Rage Questions Answered

    Q: What if I feel guilty after losing my temper?

    A: Guilt is a sign of emotional awareness—not failure. The best way to repair is to model healthy accountability: \”I\’m sorry I yelled. I was feeling overwhelmed, but my feelings are not your fault.\”

    Q: How do I explain my rage to my partner?

    A: Many partners struggle to understand mother rage because they were never taught about emotional labor. Try: \”I feel overwhelmed when my needs go unnoticed. I need more support with [specific task].\”

    Q: Can I really change if I was raised with CEN?

    A: Absolutely. Emotional healing is not about erasing the past—it’s about creating a new future, one small step at a time.

    Q: Why do I feel rage at small things that never used to bother me?

    A: Your nervous system is likely in a constant state of overload. If you’ve spent years suppressing your emotions and prioritizing others, small triggers can unleash built-up frustration and exhaustion. Your reaction isn’t just about the moment—it’s about everything that came before it.

    ✅ Try this: Keep a daily \”check-in journal\” where you rate your emotional energy (1-10) and note any small irritations. Over time, you’ll notice patterns and catch your triggers before they escalate.

    Q: How can I prevent rage from building up in the first place?

    A: The key is proactive emotional regulation, rather than waiting until you’re at a breaking point.

    ✔ Micro-breaks: Even 5-minute pauses throughout the day can prevent emotional overload.
    ✔ Daily emotional release: Whether it’s movement, journaling, or talking to a friend, emotions need a healthy outlet.
    ✔ Reducing mental load: Delegate tasks, set boundaries, and ask yourself, \”Is this something I truly need to do right now?\”

    Q: What if I had a bad moment and lashed out at my child?

    A: Repair is more important than perfection. Children don’t need flawless parents—they need parents who can model accountability and emotional regulation.

    ✔ Step 1: Acknowledge: \”I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t your fault.\”
    ✔ Step 2: Explain in simple terms: \”I felt frustrated because I was tired, but I should have handled it differently.\”
    ✔ Step 3: Reconnect: Offer a hug, a moment of closeness, or play together.

    This teaches your child that mistakes don’t break relationships—they can be repaired with honesty and love.

    Q: What if my partner doesn’t understand my struggles with rage and emotional burnout?

    A: Many partners don’t realize the depth of the invisible workload mothers carry—especially if they were raised in a culture where emotional labor was never acknowledged.

    ✔ Avoid blaming: Instead of \”You never help me!\”, try \”I feel overwhelmed when I\’m responsible for [specific task] all the time. Can we find a way to share it?\”
    ✔ Use relatable comparisons: If your partner values their job, compare it to being on call 24/7 without breaks—because that’s what motherhood often feels like.
    ✔ Seek external resources together: Books like Fair Play by Eve Rodsky can help shift their perspective.

    Q: What if I struggle to even feel my emotions before I explode?

    A: If you grew up with CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect), you may have learned to numb or dismiss your feelings. This makes it harder to recognize emotional buildup until it’s too late.

    ✅ Try this practice:

    • Set an alarm 3 times a day. When it goes off, pause and ask:
    • \”What am I feeling right now?\”
    • \”Where do I feel it in my body?\”
    • \”What do I need in this moment?\”

    Even if the answer is \”I don’t know\”, this builds emotional awareness—which helps you intervene before rage erupts.

    Q: Can childhood emotional neglect be healed as an adult?

    A: Absolutely. Healing isn’t about \”fixing\” yourself—it’s about learning to meet your needs in a way you never experienced before.

    ✔ Therapy can help: A trauma-informed therapist (especially one trained in IFS or AEDP) can guide you through emotional healing.
    ✔ Self-reparenting: Speak to yourself with kindness, as you would to a child learning something new.
    ✔ Support networks: Find communities of mothers who understand—whether through local groups, online forums, or trusted friends.

    Q: I feel like I\’m losing myself in motherhood. How do I reclaim my identity?

    A: Motherhood adds to who you are—it doesn’t erase you. But if you were taught to put everyone else first, it’s easy to feel like you\’ve disappeared.

    ✔ Revisit past joys: What did you love before becoming a mother? Try reintroducing even small pieces of those things.
    ✔ Make space for yourself: Even 10 minutes a day for something that feels like you is powerful.
    ✔ Practice self-compassion: You are still you, even in the exhaustion, even in the struggle.

    Motherhood is a transformation, but you deserve to exist as a whole person—just as much as your child does.

    Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone

    Mother rage is not who you are—it’s a symptom of long-buried unmet needs finally asking to be heard. You don’t have to push it down or carry it alone.

    ✔ Start small: Acknowledge your feelings.
    ✔ Speak with kindness to yourself.
    ✔ Seek support from those who understand.

    Your healing matters—not just for you, but for the next generation. Mother rage does not make you a bad mom. It makes you a mother with needs that deserve to be met.

    💬 Have you experienced mother rage? What has helped you? Share in the comments—it may help another mother feel less alone.

    References

    • Webb, J. (2012). Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Morgan James Publishing.
    • Marchiano, L. (2021). Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself. Sounds True.
    • Siegel, D., & Hartzell, M. (2013). Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. TarcherPerigee.