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When Motherhood Becomes a Portal
Becoming a mother is often painted as a blissful beginning, yet for many women—especially those who grew up with unmet emotional needs—it is far more than that. It’s a profound inner journey. A descent, a cracking open, and, if we dare to walk through it with awareness, a return to wholeness.
This is not just a story of feeding and soothing. It’s the archetypal Heroine’s Journey: the call, the resistance, the descent into the unknown, and the hard-earned return—not as the same person, but as someone reborn.
If you were raised without emotional safety, validation, or nurturing, motherhood can awaken what’s been buried.It can expose the emotional void and bring to light the grief you’ve long avoided. But it can also become the very path through which you heal.
In this article, we’ll walk this journey stage by stage, grounded in archetypal psychology and interwoven with tools for healing. Each section includes:
- A reflection on the stage and its emotional landscape
- Journal prompts to help you explore it personally
- Self-care practices to regulate and nurture yourself
- A mythological or story-based image to anchor you
- And toward the end—a collection of resources to continue your journey
You don’t have to walk this path alone.
The Ordinary World – Before the Call
Before pregnancy, there’s often a quiet belief: “I’ve survived just fine. I’m strong. I don’t need anyone.”
Many CEN daughters are emotionally self-sufficient, high-functioning, and even disconnected from their own bodies. They may carry an invisible grief—longing for something unnamed, feeling like something was always missing but unsure what it was. They often don’t associate this with childhood, let alone expect motherhood to change it.
But something stirs. A longing. A curiosity. A fear.
Journal Prompts:
- When I think back to myself before becoming a mother, what beliefs did I hold about emotions and vulnerability?
- In what ways did I learn to survive by staying emotionally self-contained?
- Did I ever long to be mothered? If so, what did that look or feel like?
Self-Care Practice:
Mirror Touch — Stand or sit in front of a mirror. Gently place a hand over your heart and look into your own eyes. Say: “I see you. You’ve come so far.” Breathe. Repeat a few times.
Mythological Parallel:
Artemis, the maiden goddess of the wild, lives freely and untouched. Independent, capable—and emotionally walled off. Before the journey, she is whole in her aloneness. But life always calls us into deeper relational truth.
The Call to Adventure – Conception or the Desire to Mother
The call often comes quietly. A pregnancy test. A sudden longing. A vision of motherhood that surprises even you. Or perhaps a child arrives unplanned, and the body says “yes” before the mind can catch up.
For many emotionally neglected women, this moment is complicated. It’s not just a call to motherhood—it’s a call into the unknown, into emotional territory never mapped before.
There’s often a deep tenderness hidden beneath the fear:
Can I really offer love I never received? Can I mother without a model? Can I trust myself?
This stage is filled with ambivalence. Excitement mixed with dread. Hope tangled with old wounds.
But that’s the nature of the Call. It doesn’t arrive when we’re ready. It arrives when we’re open.
Journal Prompts:
- What was my first emotional reaction to becoming a mother (or to the idea of it)?
- What did I fear I wouldn’t be able to give my child?
- Did this moment stir grief, or awaken unmet needs from my own childhood?
Self-Care Practice:
Womb Listening — Whether pregnant or not, place your hands over your womb. Close your eyes and ask: What do you need right now? Breathe and wait. Let the body speak.
Mythological Parallel:
Demeter, goddess of harvest, becomes a mother to Persephone. But when Persephone is taken, her grief halts all growth. Her story reminds us that motherhood awakens our fiercest love—and our deepest fear of loss.
Refusing the Call – Fear, Anxiety, and Self-Doubt
The moment we say yes to motherhood—whether through conception, birth, or even just the idea of becoming a mother—there’s often an immediate emotional backlash.
“I’m not ready.” “What have I done?” “I can’t do this.”
This is the Refusal of the Call. Not because we are weak—but because the path touches every hidden wound.
For the CEN woman, this is where deep self-doubt awakens. Without a solid emotional blueprint, fear rushes in.
- Fear of inadequacy
- Fear of being like your mother
- Fear of failing your child in unseen ways
- Fear of needing others too much
You may find yourself over-preparing or emotionally freezing. Or feeling numb, like it’s happening to someone else. This is a trauma response—and a very human one.
The refusal is part of the story. Don’t resist it. Witness it.
Journal Prompts:
- What was I most afraid of in the early stages of motherhood?
- Did I judge myself for these feelings? Who else’s voice was in my head?
- When I think of “being a mother,” what negative associations arise?
Self-Care Practice:
Fear Letter — Write a letter from your fear, giving it a voice. Let it speak without censoring. Then write a response from your wiser, grounded self. Burn or safely release both when ready.
Mythological Parallel:
In many myths, the hero or heroine turns away from the journey at first. Even Inanna, queen of heaven, trembles before descending into the underworld. The refusal is not failure—it is preparation for transformation.
Crossing the Threshold – Birth and Initiation
This is the moment the world changes forever.
Birth—whether smooth or traumatic, natural or surgical—is a threshold experience. Something dies, and something is born. The woman you were dissolves, and the mother begins to emerge.
But it’s not just about the baby’s arrival. It’s the shattering of who you thought you were.
The identity, the control, the emotional coping mechanisms—they often no longer work.
For CEN women, this is particularly intense. Without a strong model for emotional attunement or comfort, the raw vulnerability of birth and early postpartum can feel like drowning.
Tears, rage, numbness, confusion—they’re all part of the initiation. You may grieve not having been mothered this way. You may feel shame for not “bonding instantly.” You may feel deeply alone, even when surrounded by others.
This is the descent. And it’s holy.
Journal Prompts:
- What emotions did I feel during birth and the early postpartum?
- What shocked me the most about this stage?
- What old wounds did this initiation awaken?
Self-Care Practice:
Postpartum Altar — Create a small space with objects that represent your transition: a baby photo, a shell, a stone, a flower, something broken and beautiful. Sit with it each day for a few minutes. Breathe. Honor the shift.
Mythological Parallel:
Inanna’s descent into the underworld strips her of everything: power, jewels, dignity. Only then can she meet her shadow sister. Birth does this too—it brings us to our knees so we can rise true.
The Belly of the Whale – Isolation, Overwhelm, and the Breaking Point
This is the moment no one warns you about.
Not the birth. Not the sleepless nights. But the silent scream of “I’ve lost myself.”
The ache of sitting in a dark room with a crying baby, not knowing if you’ll ever feel like “you” again.
The quiet resentment toward your partner, your body, or even the child you love so fiercely.
And the shame that follows all of it.
This stage can last weeks or years. It may be peppered with smiles and baby giggles—but inside, it feels like you’ve been swallowed whole.
For the CEN mother, the inner critic is relentless here.
- “You’re too emotional.”
- “You should be grateful.”
- “Don’t need so much.”
These are the inherited voices. They keep you from reaching out. They convince you that your pain is weakness.
But this dark, painful chamber is where the magic happens. It’s not about escaping it—it’s about letting yourself be remade by it.
Journal Prompts:
- What parts of myself have I lost—or am afraid of losing?
- When I feel overwhelmed, what do I most long for?
- What would it mean to allow myself to be supported here?
Self-Care Practice:
Name the Need — When overwhelmed, pause and ask: “What do I need right now?” Choose one word: sleep, touch, water, silence, help, validation. Then ask: Can I offer that to myself, or ask someone for it?
Mythological Parallel:
Jonah in the belly of the whale. Inanna hanging lifeless on the hook. Psyche performing impossible tasks. These stories echo the truth: the deepest darkness is not punishment—it’s preparation.
It’s here that the old ways die, and the new self begins to form.
The Meeting with the Inner Guide – The Reclamation of the Self
After the darkness of the whale’s belly, something unexpected happens. Not a rescue. Not a miracle.
A whisper.
A quiet moment—maybe while nursing in the moonlight, or crying on the kitchen floor—when you hear your own voice again.
“I’m still here.”
This is the moment the Inner Guide awakens.
For the CEN mother, this voice may have been silent your whole life. You were taught to suppress needs, to stay small, to disappear emotionally. But now—because your child needs a whole mother—you begin reclaiming your wholeness.
You realize that your pain holds wisdom. That your body has something to say. That your own mother’s story is not your destiny.
This guide might speak in therapy. Or in journaling. Or in your dreams. It might arrive in the form of rage—or tenderness. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you listen.
This is your rebirth.
Journal Prompts:
- What truths about myself am I beginning to remember?
- What does my inner guide sound like? How is she different from the inner critic?
- What kind of mother do I want to be—and what kind of woman?
Self-Care Practice:
Mirror Work — Each morning or night, stand before a mirror. Look into your eyes and say: “I see you. You matter. You are learning to love.” Start with one minute a day. You may cry. That’s healing.
Mythological Parallel:
In Psyche’s final task, she opens a box meant for Persephone and falls into a death-like sleep. But she is awakened by Love. In every myth, the inner guide is born when we face death and choose life.
The Return – Integration, Reconnection, and Sharing the Wisdom
This is not a neat ending. There is no finish line. But something has shifted.
You begin to feel the ground beneath your feet again.
Your baby is growing. You are growing.
You laugh without guilt. You cry without shame. You begin to speak honestly with those closest to you.
You’re not the same—and you’re not trying to be. You’ve walked through grief, fear, exhaustion, rage, and rebirth.
You have met the parts of yourself that were silenced long ago—and you chose to stay.
The Return is about integration:
- Reclaiming emotional needs without apology
- Offering empathy to your partner while also setting boundaries
- Trusting your body and intuition
- Living in rhythm, not reaction
And most of all, it’s about offering your wisdom—not as advice, but as embodied presence.
For many CEN mothers, this return is also the beginning of reparenting yourself.
And that, too, is an act of mothering.
Journal Prompts:
- What have I learned that I would want to pass on to other mothers?
- What parts of me are now more alive than before motherhood?
- What would returning “home” to myself look like?
Self-Care Practice:
Offer It Forward — When you feel resourced, offer one small gesture of compassion to another mother: a knowing look, a kind text, a homemade meal. Each act anchors your return.
Mythological Parallel:
In The Odyssey, Odysseus returns home not as a conquering hero, but as a man changed by suffering and love. The return is not about glory. It’s about presence.
So too, the mother returns—not to who she was, but to who she has become.
Conclusion – The Journey That Transforms Us All
Motherhood is not just a role—it’s a transformation.
It invites the CEN woman into the wildest healing journey of her life. Not by force, but by invitation.
It asks her to meet her own pain with compassion. To grieve. To re-mother. To become whole.
This is not the path of perfection.
It is the path of return.
And return is sacred.
You are the heroine.
You are the guide your child needs.
And slowly, tenderly—you are becoming the mother you never had.
BONUS: The Mother’s Journey Companion
A Journal & Practice Guide for the Emotionally Neglected Mother
A printable free PDF companion with:
- All stage-specific journal prompts
- Simple daily self-care practices
- Myth quotes
How to Use This Companion
- Choose one stage at a time—no need to follow the order.
- Reflect with journal prompts during quiet moments (nap time, after bedtime, early mornings).
- Try one self-care practice per week—repeat what soothes you.
- Reread myth quotes as affirmations or meditations.
Resource List
A curated guide for further exploration into motherhood, mythology, healing from emotional neglect, and the heroine’s journey.
Books & Articles
- “The Heroine’s Journey” by Maureen Murdock – A foundational text that reframes Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey through the feminine psyche.
- “Motherwhelmed” by Beth Berry – Explores the emotional and systemic load of modern motherhood, especially for sensitive, introspective mothers.
- “The Drama of the Gifted Child” by Alice Miller – For unpacking childhood emotional neglect and its long-term effects.
- “The Wild Mother” by Michaela Boehm – Bridging myth, sensuality, and motherhood.
- “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle – A modern call to reclaim selfhood in the midst of social and maternal conditioning.
- “The Fourth Trimester” by Kimberly Ann Johnson – A practical and emotional guide to postpartum healing.
Mythology Sources
- The Descent of Inanna – Ancient Sumerian text, translated by Diane Wolkstein & Samuel Noah Kramer
- Psyche and Eros – Retold in The Golden Ass by Apuleius (2nd century AD)
- Demeter and Persephone – As told in the Homeric Hymns
Podcasts & Talks
- Motherhood Sessions with Alexandra Sacks (psychodynamic perspective on motherhood)
- The Mythic Masculine podcast (explores feminine and masculine archetypes)
Q&A: The Heroine’s Journey and Motherhood
Q1: What is the heroine’s journey in motherhood?
The heroine’s journey is a psychological and spiritual map of transformation. In motherhood, it reflects the inner metamorphosis that happens as a woman moves through conception, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and the redefinition of self. Unlike the hero’s journey, it emphasizes descent, surrender, and cyclical integration — not conquest or external success.
Q2: How is this journey different for mothers who experienced emotional neglect?
Mothers who grew up emotionally neglected may feel disoriented, hyper-responsible, or disconnected in early motherhood. The heroine’s journey offers a compassionate map — one that validates confusion, rage, numbness, and grief as natural parts of transformation, rather than failures.
Q3: Can this journey apply to adoptive mothers, stepmothers, or non-birthing parents?
Absolutely. The journey is not about biology but inner evolution. Any caregiver or woman undergoing deep identity shifts and reorienting toward care, presence, and self-healing can relate to this map.
Q4: What if I don’t feel transformed — just exhausted?
Then you are in the thick of the journey. Transformation often doesn’t feel like a lightning bolt — it feels like unraveling. This guide is here to hold space for exactly that: the slow, aching alchemy of change.
Q5: How do I revisit these stages when I feel lost again?
You can move through this journey more than once. Keep the journal prompts and practices nearby. Let yourself move non-linearly. Some seasons are for descent; others are for emerging.
Explore further:
The Rewards of Motherhood: Finding Meaning, Growth, and Everyday Magic
From Maiden to Mother: A Journaling Guide for Embracing the Transition
Motherhood as a Journey of Growth: Embracing the Transition from Maiden to Mother
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