The Tension Between Urgency and Avoidance
You’re caught between two worlds.
- You have a stable job—it’s not thrilling, but it pays the bills. Lately, though, you find yourself dragging your feet. Emails pile up. Tasks that once felt easy now overwhelm you. You’re not lazy, but something in you resists.
- At the same time, you have a passion project—a side hustle that lights you up. You stay up too late working on it, pouring in all your energy, even at the cost of sleep. It feels urgent, like you’re racing against time.
Or maybe your version looks different:
- You sabotage your stable job, not on purpose, but by missing deadlines, making careless mistakes, or avoiding responsibilities.
- You know you need the income, but you still can’t make yourself care.
- You want a gentle transition, but instead, it feels like you’re swinging between obsessive work on your side hustle and neglecting everything else.
You wonder: Why can’t I just balance both? Why does it feel like all-or-nothing?
At first glance, it seems like exhaustion or procrastination. But something deeper is at play.
- Your unconscious mind is making a choice for you.
- Parts of you are in conflict, pushing and pulling in opposite directions.
- Your body is reacting as if your job is a threat.
Let’s break it down.
1. The Psychological Tug-of-War: The Urgent vs. The Avoidant Self
When two conflicting motivations exist within us, they often take on lives of their own:
- The Urgent Worker: The part of you that feels compelled to pour every ounce of energy into your passion project, fearing that if you don’t, you’ll never break free.
- The Avoidant Employee: The part of you that dreads your stable job, disengaging from responsibilities, making mistakes, and feeling trapped.
These two selves are locked in battle, both trying to protect you but pulling you in opposite directions.
- The Urgent Worker believes that the side hustle is your escape and must be prioritized at all costs.
- The Avoidant Employee sees your current job as a burden and unconsciously resists it, fearing stagnation.
But the real question is—what deeper fears are fueling these reactions?
2. What’s Actually Being Avoided?
Behind this inner conflict lies a fear of failure, rejection, or instability.
- Fear of Inadequacy: “I’m not good enough to make this work, so I have to work harder.”
- Fear of Stagnation: “If I settle into my job, I might never leave.”
- Fear of Uncertainty: “What if I quit and my side hustle fails?”
- Fear of Success: “What if my passion project takes off and I’m not ready?”
The irony? By pushing yourself too hard and neglecting your current job, you create the very instability you fear.
3. The Nervous System’s Role: Hyperarousal vs. Shutdown
This internal conflict is not just psychological—it’s deeply biological.
- The Urgent Worker is in hyperarousal (fight-or-flight mode), driven by anxiety and a sense of scarcity.
- The Avoidant Employee is in shutdown (dorsal vagal response), feeling helpless and disengaged.
When your body perceives your stable job as a “trap” and your side hustle as your “survival plan,” these extreme reactions emerge.
But what if we could regulate the nervous system to create a smoother, more sustainable transition?
Psychological Frameworks for Understanding
If you’ve ever felt trapped between your stable job and your passion project, unable to transition smoothly, you’re not alone. The struggle isn’t just about time management—it’s a psychological battle. Your mind and body are working at cross-purposes, and without awareness, they can keep you stuck in cycles of burnout, avoidance, and self-sabotage.
Let’s explore three key psychological frameworks that shed light on this inner conflict:
- Internal Family Systems (IFS): How to identify and dialogue with the conflicting parts inside you
- Jungian Psychology: The shadow side of ambition and responsibility
- Polyvagal Theory: How to shift from survival mode to a state of balance
Internal Family Systems (IFS): Your Inner Conflict Is a Conversation
IFS views the mind as a system of different “parts,” each with its own role, fears, and desires. The tension between overworking on your side hustle and neglecting your stable job is not just one problem—it’s two parts of you in conflict.
The Three Main Parts at Play
- The Ambitious Part (Exile + Protector)
- This part sees your stable job as a trap and your side hustle as freedom.
- It may carry past wounds—perhaps from a childhood where creativity wasn’t valued, or where security was unstable.
- It pushes you to work tirelessly because it fears that if you don’t, you’ll never escape.
- The Responsible Part (Protector)
- This part wants stability. It knows you need income.
- It resents the ambitious part for taking reckless risks.
- Instead of motivating you, it sometimes shuts down, making your job feel overwhelming and impossible.
- The Frozen Part (Exile or Firefighter Response)
- This part holds fear of failure. It’s terrified that if you try to transition and fail, you’ll have nothing.
- It reacts by paralyzing you at your stable job and distracting you with overwork on your passion project.
How to Work with These Parts
- Self-inquiry journaling: Ask each part what it fears and what it needs.
- Compassionate dialogue: Instead of fighting your avoidance, acknowledge the fear underneath it.
- Negotiation exercise: Can your ambitious part agree to a slow transition if your responsible part feels safe?
Jungian Psychology: The Shadow Side of Ambition and Responsibility
Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow explains why we often sabotage ourselves. The shadow consists of unconscious desires, fears, and emotions that don’t fit our self-image—so we suppress them.
In this case:
- If you see yourself as a responsible provider, your ambitious, risk-taking side may be suppressed—until it bursts out through obsessive overwork on your side hustle.
- If you see yourself as a creative entrepreneur, your fear of financial instability may be repressed—until it sabotages your transition with procrastination and overwhelm.
Your self-sabotage isn’t random—it’s your unconscious trying to maintain balance.
How to Work with Your Shadow
- Dreamwork & Freewriting: Write about your fears and fantasies of success/failure. What hidden emotions emerge?
- Symbolic Representation: Pick a tarot card (or image) that represents both your desire for freedom and fear of failure. Meditate on them together.
- Integration Exercise: Accept both ambition and responsibility as part of you, rather than letting one dominate.
Polyvagal Theory: Shifting from Survival Mode to Balance
Your nervous system plays a huge role in this struggle. If your body perceives your stable job as a threat, it may trigger:
- Fight mode: You push aggressively into your side hustle, neglecting everything else.
- Freeze mode: You feel paralyzed at your job, unable to focus.
The goal is to regulate your nervous system so you can transition gently and sustainably.
How to Shift into a Regulated State
- Vagus Nerve Exercises: Humming, slow breathing, or cold exposure to shift out of stress mode.
- Embodiment Practices: Yin yoga, dance, or walking help integrate emotions.
- Somatic Journaling: Write how your body feels in both work modes—what does urgency feel like? What does shutdown feel like?
Transformational Exercises to Break the Cycle
Understanding the psychological roots of your struggle is the first step. Now, let’s move toward practical action—how to gently reconcile your need for security and your drive for change without burnout, guilt, or self-sabotage.
These exercises are designed to:
- Ease the urgency driving you to overwork on your side hustle.
- Reduce the overwhelm making your stable job feel unbearable.
- Create a sustainable path forward where you honor both parts of yourself.
1. The “Wise Mentor” Visualization
Your ambitious part and responsible part are often stuck in a power struggle. Instead of letting them battle it out, introduce a third voice—your inner Wise Mentor.
How to Do It:
- Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths.
- Imagine a future version of yourself who has successfully transitioned into meaningful work.
- Ask them:
- What helped you make the transition?
- What mistakes did you stop making?
- What daily actions built the bridge between your job and your dream?
- Write down their advice as if they were guiding you.
Why it works: This bypasses self-doubt and taps into your own inner wisdom—one that sees the full picture beyond urgency and fear.
2. The “Sustainable Path” Experiment
Many people stay stuck because they think the transition must be all or nothing. Instead of imagining a dramatic leap, experiment with sustainable changes and let reality guide you.
How to Do It:
- List 3 small, manageable changes you can make in the next month that move you closer to your dream without destabilizing your income.
- Example: Reducing work hours, testing a paid offer, shifting job responsibilities.
- Track your emotional state: How does each change affect your sense of balance and security?
- Adjust as needed: Let your actual experience (not just your fear) tell you what is working.
Why it works: This lowers resistance by making the transition feel realistic, flexible, and emotionally safe.
3. Somatic Release for Overwhelm & Avoidance
Your body holds unprocessed fear and resistance, which can show up as paralysis at your job or frantic work on your side hustle. This exercise helps discharge that stuck energy.
How to Do It:
- Set a timer for 2 minutes.
- Move your body in any way that feels instinctual—shaking, stretching, stomping.
- Breathe deeply and release tension as you move.
- Afterward, journal:
- What did I feel?
- What shifted?
- What does my body need to feel safe moving forward?
Why it works: Physical movement helps reset the nervous system, making it easier to take action without overwhelm or shutdown.
4. Shadow Work Journaling: Healing the Fear of Failure
Beneath the struggle is often a deep fear of failure or instability. This journaling prompt brings it into the light, so it no longer unconsciously controls your decisions.
Journal Prompts:
- What would failure look like for me?
- What emotions does it bring up?
- If I fully accepted failure as part of growth, how would that change my approach?
Why it works: Unacknowledged fear keeps you in subconscious self-sabotage loops. Facing it directly releases its grip and opens new possibilities.
5. The “Bare Minimum” Method for Momentum
When we’re overwhelmed, we tend to think we need a perfect plan before acting—which often leads to paralysis. This exercise helps you prioritize small, consistent actions over grand plans.
How to Do It:
- Ask yourself:
- If I could only do ONE thing this week to move forward, what would it be?
- What is the simplest version of that action?
- How can I make it enjoyable?
- Do that action without worrying about the bigger picture.
Why it works: Overthinking keeps us stuck. This method keeps you moving with minimal resistance.
Book Recommendations for Further Exploration
If you want to dive deeper into these themes—balancing ambition and stability, understanding your inner conflicts, and creating meaningful change—here are some powerful books to explore:
On Inner Conflict & Self-Sabotage:
- \”The War of Art\” – Steven Pressfield (A must-read on overcoming resistance in creative and entrepreneurial work.)
- \”The Big Leap\” – Gay Hendricks (Explores how we subconsciously limit ourselves and how to move past those blocks.)
- \”The Mountain Is You\” – Brianna Wiest (A deep dive into self-sabotage and how to transform it into self-mastery.)
On Shadow Work & Psychological Healing:
- \”Owning Your Own Shadow\” – Robert A. Johnson (A short, accessible introduction to Jungian shadow work.)
- \”Romancing the Shadow\” – Connie Zweig & Steve Wolf (Explores how unconscious parts of us sabotage our lives and how to integrate them.)
On Navigating Career Transitions & Meaningful Work:
- \”Designing Your Life\” – Bill Burnett & Dave Evans (Practical exercises for building a career path that feels fulfilling.)
- \”The Artist’s Way\” – Julia Cameron (Great for reconnecting with creative ambition and overcoming blocks.)
- \”So Good They Can’t Ignore You\” – Cal Newport (A research-backed guide to career satisfaction through skill-building instead of chasing passion.)
Q&A: Overcoming Common Struggles in Transition
Q: I feel a constant urgency to work on my side hustle, but I also fear burnout. How do I manage this?
A: Your urgency might come from a mix of excitement and fear of stagnation. Try:
- Time-blocking work and rest so you don’t drain yourself.
- Using the “Wise Mentor” Visualization (from earlier) to gain perspective on sustainable growth.
- Asking yourself: “What’s one small, meaningful action I can take today?” instead of chasing a vague sense of “progress.”
Q: My stable job feels increasingly unbearable, but I can’t quit yet. How can I make it more tolerable?
A: Instead of focusing only on enduring the job, explore:
- Micro-shifts: Can you tweak responsibilities, work environment, or mindset to make it more engaging?
- Reframing: Can you view it as funding your future, rather than an obstacle?
- Setting a transition timeline: Even a loose plan can make the job feel less suffocating.
Q: I feel stuck in an all-or-nothing mindset—either I quit and go all-in, or I stay forever. How do I break out of this?
A: Try the “Sustainable Path” Experiment (outlined earlier). Test gradual shifts instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment. Many successful transitions happen in small steps, not leaps.
Q: I’m scared of failure. What if my side hustle doesn’t work out?
A: Failure is a learning process, not a final verdict. Use:
- The Shadow Work Journaling exercise to explore hidden fears.
- The “Bare Minimum” Method to focus on progress over perfection.
- Redefine failure: What if it’s just a pivot rather than an ending?
Free Resource: The Gentle Transition Workbook
From Overwhelm to Flow: A Step-by-Step Guide to Balancing Stability & Growth
This guided workbook will help you navigate the push-pull dynamic between your stable job and your side hustle with clarity, self-compassion, and actionable steps.
What’s Inside?
1. Understanding Your Inner Conflict
✔ Self-Reflection Questions to identify which parts of you feel trapped, scared, or overly ambitious.
✔ IFS-Based Dialogue: A structured way to engage with your “Worker” and “Dreamer” parts.
2. Shadow Work: Releasing Self-Sabotage
✔ Journaling Prompts to uncover hidden fears around success, failure, and self-worth.
✔ The “Projection Exercise”: Spotting where you might be disowning your ambition or suppressing your need for stability.
3. The Sustainable Growth Plan
✔ The “Bare Minimum” Method: A low-pressure way to keep momentum without burnout.
✔ Micro-Shifts Exercise: Tiny tweaks to make your current job more tolerable while building your future.
4. Overcoming Resistance & Procrastination
✔ The “Wise Mentor” Visualization: Gaining perspective from your future self.
✔ Rewiring Dopamine Triggers: Making progress feel more rewarding than avoidance.
5. Your Personalized Transition Timeline
✔ Roadmap Exercise: Mapping a 3-month, 6-month, and 1-year plan for a smooth transition.
✔ Accountability Checkpoints: How to stay on track without pressure.
Bonus: Case Study Breakdowns
Real-life examples of people who have successfully transitioned while keeping financial stability.
How to Get Your Free Workbook?
Click the button below to download your free printable Gentle Transition Workbook and start shifting from chaos to clarity:
Final Wrap-Up: Embracing a Balanced Transition
Navigating the tension between a stable job and a passion-driven side hustle can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing decision. By understanding your inner conflicts, working with your shadow motivations, and implementing a gentle transition strategy, you can move toward meaningful work without burnout or financial insecurity.
Remember, the goal isn’t just escaping a job—it’s building a sustainable, fulfilling life where both stability and passion coexist in a way that serves you.
Let’s share!
If this article resonated with you, share your thoughts in the comments or pass it along to someone who might need it. You don’t have to choose between security and passion—with the right approach, you can build a bridge between them.
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